Tag: humour

Old Dog Thoughts- There’s a pot of gold at the end of Morrison’s rainbow if he can find it.

Fighting Fake News with REAL,18/1/20; Bushfire Relief for marginal seats only; Coal’s Biggest Lobbyist promised a pot of Gold for ending the rainbows;

The Finite Game Of Scomo And Albo… Oh, And Nato. (which is obviously Richard Di Natale!) – » The Australian Independent Media Network

On other matters, I have to say that I was gobsmacked by the story about China trying to get someone elected to Chisholm. All I can say is thank God we got Gladys who assured us that she was never a member of all those Communist Party groups and thank God that we have Scott who told the media that they take these allegations seriously, because I find it pretty hard to take anything coming out of Canberra seriously these days!

via The Finite Game Of Scomo And Albo… Oh, And Nato. (which is obviously Richard Di Natale!) – » The Australian Independent Media Network

“How Good Is Putting Everyone On The Indue Card To Stop Secondary Boycotts?” – » The Australian Independent Media Network

As altruistic miners try to enter a building they’re stopped from their humanitarian aims by these incredibly selfish protestors who are just there for the fun of harassing the saints who, out of the goodness of their hearts, give up their spare time to find ways of giving people jobs. These saints of industry have worked tirelessly to eliminate all canaries from their coal mines and are moving towards a world where mining is fully automated and no humans will be forced to undertake such dangerous work. At such a time, they’ll then share the wealth they’ve created by donating their stuff to the people who can’t afford it at current prices because they’re such great human beings, unlike the bullies who are blocking their way just for the fun of it.

Whichever way you look at it, the protestors believe that they’re trying to save the planet. Even if you think that the planet doesn’t need saving, it’s really hard to argue that they’re the selfish ones. “You bastards, you’re only trying to save the Earth because you live on it! Have some consideration for people like Alan Jones who haven’t been on the planet for years!”

via “How Good Is Putting Everyone On The Indue Card To Stop Secondary Boycotts?” – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Old Dog Thoughts- 94 Malaysian PM says Australia will change. Conservative media have said it won’t since the 50s. It has and it will.

Fighting Fake News with REAL, 4/11/19; Morrison promises to shut Democracy down; Mahathir see Australia becoming more Asian LNP doesn’t; Nothing has Changed;

Old Dog Thoughts- Ita is fighting to undo what Abbott the “Pillock of the Pacific” did to the ABC

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/068588a90881121d1133560fe097165047b3c503/0_42_1280_768/master/1280.jpg?width=300&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=c43e4d913e48cd06d45581758f640abf

Fighting Fake News with Real, 21/10/19; Ita trying to undo what Abbott did; Peter Dutton running Australia into the ground; Trump’s been doing it for years;

Old Dog Thoughts- LNP- Is the WW2 Italian Tank 1 gear Foward 5 Backward

Fighting Fake News with REAL, 30/8/19; Scumbag College truth in Humour; LNP spinning like Trump a fake reality; Dutton says China is Harsh and inhumane, LNP is like and Italian Tank 1 gear forward 5 gears backward;

Trump defends bid to host G7 at his Miami resort: ‘I don’t care about money’ | US news | The Guardian

The front entrance to the Trump National Doral.

The Chosen One is just joking again(ODT)

Defending himself against accusations of seeking to profit off the presidency by planning to host a G7 summit next year at one of his resorts, Donald Trump on Monday estimated that being president had cost him $3bn to $5bn and said: “I don’t want to make money. I don’t care about making money.”

via Trump defends bid to host G7 at his Miami resort: ‘I don’t care about money’ | US news | The Guardian

Old Dog Thoughts- Fox and Trump Siamese Twins; A wanna be War Economy, Humour

Screenshot_2019-08-23 The Nation – The Shovel.png

Fighting Fake News with REAL,23/8/19; A Banana Republic in 3 years; Australia shaping itself to be a War Economy; You have to take time out to laugh;

Let’s Stop The Hysteria, The Press Are Still Free! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Well, it’s quite simple. Let’s imagine for a moment that I’m working for a highly sensitive department… Say something to do with stopping the boats. As we all know, “on water” matters are highly confidential… Or at least they became highly confidential after Scott Morrison became Immigration Monster; before that, everyone was free to publicise any information at all about boats arriving whether they were real or only imagined. Anyway, let’s imagine that I’m working in the department that’s in charge of stopping the boats and I discover that, in fact, the boats haven’t stopped and that there are boats arriving, sometimes carrying as many as twenty people. I quickly work out the realm is under threat because the government is secretly sneaking these so-called asylum seekers into the community and nobody has noticed even though we know have as many as three or four hundred happily minding their own business and enjoying their new life in Australia.

As a patriotic Australian, I’m outraged. I make copies of the necessary evidence and I smuggle it home where I… suddenly remember the AFP raids. And then it hits me. I can’t go to the media because I’ll almost certainly be exposed. No, I decide. I can’t take the personal risk.

See, it’s not the press that will have the problems. It’s the whistleblowers themselves. There’s no need for concern because in the future, the press won’t get the information so we won’t know whatever it is the we should be concerned about so we can all just keep going in blissful ignorance, happy that the government knows best and is having a go and helping me with my aspirations.

How good is Australia, eh?

*Just for clarification, AFP stands for Australian Federal Police and not Anti-Free Press.
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Let’s Stop The Hysteria, The Press Are Still Free! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Right-Wingers: Carlson Gets A Pass Since Media Matters Used… Research! | Crooks and Liars

Right-Wingers: Carlson Gets A Pass Since Media Matters Used... Research!

Media Matters has now released clips and transcripts of Tucker Carlson making racist remarks on a shock-jock radio show, a day after exposing Carlson’s misogynistic and pro-pedophilia remarks on the same show. But according to conservatives, everything Carlson said should be ignored by the public — not because the clips and quotes are fake (they aren’t), and not because they’re out of context (they aren’t), but because they were discovered using (gasp!) research.

Here’s Mike LaChance at William Jacobson’s blog, Legal Insurrection:

These audio clips didn’t just fall out of the sky. The people at Media Matters went looking for them. They sat and combed through hours of audio looking for something to use to target Tucker and his Fox News show.

So these clips are fruits from a poison tree! They should be stricken from the record!

via Right-Wingers: Carlson Gets A Pass Since Media Matters Used… Research! | Crooks and Liars

Boy named Trump who fell asleep during State of the Union wakes a hero

And then, there was the true hero: a sixth grade boy, invited by the President, who slept his way through much of the 82-minute, 51,000-word speech.

President Donald Trump and first lady Melania invited several special guests to the address, which ran well past 10.30pm on a school night.
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via Boy named Trump who fell asleep during State of the Union wakes a hero

Morrison ‘Cried & Prayed’ For Asylum Seekers, Just Wished He Was In A Position To Do More – The Shovel

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told an event in Sydney that he ‘cried on his knees’ over the plight of children in Nauru, and just wished he was in a position to directly effect change.

“You think about these children and you pray, you cry, and you pray some more. But there’s only so much you can do. It’s frustrating because you feel so powerless,” Morrison said, asking the audience whether they knew anyone who worked in immigration.

“I can’t tell you the number of times I wished I had connections with a government minister or someone in the immigration department with some sort of influence over the situation’,” he said.

via Morrison ‘Cried & Prayed’ For Asylum Seekers, Just Wished He Was In A Position To Do More – The Shovel

Scott Morrison And Other Ugly Things – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Well, ScoMo – as we’re all encouraged to call him – saw something ugly. Not just ugly, but “one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen”!

What was it?

The testimony of those abused by that Royal Commission we didn’t need? No, not the one into the banks. The one into sexual abuse of children at the hands of institutions. Remember the Liberals were dragged kicking and screaming into that one, too.

Or was it the sight of children in detention? No, that’s a deliberate policy. It’s a deterrent. I mean, if you have children self-harming and suicidal that should put people off coming to Australia without their au pair papers in order.

Was it animals dying in the drought? Of course not.

It was, of course, a union official who photographed his kids. Yes, John Setka. tweeted photos of his kids holding a sign telling the Liberals to fu#k off and catch real criminals. He acknowledged that it was a mistake and took it down.

So, if that was one of the “ugliest things” Scottie’s ever seen, I would suggest that he doesn’t get out much…

via Scott Morrison And Other Ugly Things – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Seven signs of the neoliberal apocalypse | Van Badham | Opinion | The Guardian

Is the political zeitgeist an old spectre up for some new haunting? Or are the times more like a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “the combination of inequality and low wage growth is fuelling discontent. Time to sing a new song.”

In days gone past, they used to slice open an animal’s belly and study the shape of its spilled entrails to find out. But we could just keep an eye on the news.

Here are my seven signs of the neoliberal apocalypse:

via Seven signs of the neoliberal apocalypse | Van Badham | Opinion | The Guardian

Huckabee Sanders Spins Trump’s Heroism Fantasy Into ‘Leadership And Courageous Action’ | Crooks and Liars

 

Huckabee Sanders Spins Trump's Heroism Fantasy Into 'Leadership And Courageous Action'

Why spin the unspinnable? Just leave it out there as it is, Sarah. “The president is speaking for himself” is all that needed to be said.

via Huckabee Sanders Spins Trump’s Heroism Fantasy Into ‘Leadership And Courageous Action’ | Crooks and Liars

Norway pokes fun at Australia’s travel warning of polar bear attacks on tourists – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

A stuffed polar bear sits in an exhibit

“Thank you Australia for your concern. We can assure you that in mainland Norway all polar bears are stuffed and poses only limited risk,” the Norwegian Foreign Ministry tweeted.

via Norway pokes fun at Australia’s travel warning of polar bear attacks on tourists – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Kentucky Coal Mining Museum in Harlan County switches to solar power – The Washington Post

“It is a little ironic,” said a museum spokesman. “But you know, coal and solar and all the different energy sources work hand-in-hand. And, of course, coal is still king around here.”

Source: Kentucky Coal Mining Museum in Harlan County switches to solar power – The Washington Post

“Not funny”: Donald Trump and his team condemn “Saturday Night Live” and its “mean-spirited” jokes – Salon.com

“SNL” becomes a target as Donald Trump and his aide Sean Spicer don’t find the show’s attacks funny VIDEO

Source: “Not funny”: Donald Trump and his team condemn “Saturday Night Live” and its “mean-spirited” jokes – Salon.com

Clarke and Dawe: Democracy in Australia, a work in progress – Clarke and Dawe – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Australian Electoral Commission regional manager, Mark Eachbox

Source: Clarke and Dawe: Democracy in Australia, a work in progress – Clarke and Dawe – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

6 worst right-wing moments of the week — Sarah Palin’s bizarre new Facebook rant – Salon.com

The former governor targets Obama after Orlando, while Chachi has some thoughts on the president’s intelligence

Source: 6 worst right-wing moments of the week — Sarah Palin’s bizarre new Facebook rant – Salon.com

That Time John Oliver Took Down The Tobacco Industry

Why is our fake news so much better than our “real” news? Oh, never mind, we all know the answer. Via Rolling Stone:

As Last Week Tonight host John Oliver notes early in his incredible, 20-minute examination of the global battle being fought over tobacco advertising, the smoking rate in the United States has dropped from 43 percent in 1965 to 18 percent today thanks to strict laws outlawing cigarette ads.

With America largely kicking its smoking habit, the tobacco industry has been forced to make up the revenues abroad, leading to court battles in countries like Australia, Uruguay and Togo, one of the 10 poorest nations in the world.

Oliver’s takedown also focuses on the extreme lengths companies like Philip Morris International are going to place their products in the hands of the youth, including a Marlboro-sponsored kiosk outside an Indonesian school where teens can purchase a single cigarette for a dime.

You’re F***ed, Tony

Guest blogger Ross Sharp explains why . . . and he pulls no punches.From awful to f***ed in the space of one brief week, Prime Minister Tony Abbott, our Dear Leader, the walking, talking testicle of contemporary Australian  political life, and embodiment of everything that is, and has been wrong with it these last several years, has morphed toot sweet from the once proudly simian gaited and throbbingly tumescent Cock ‘O’ the Walk and King of the Hill to flaccid impuissance, an instant noodle body-slammed into a bowl of his own steaming hot faeces.

Communications Minister and former Prime Ministerial hopeful Malcolm Turnbull now wakes every morning, and smiles, broadly, deftly tap-dancing his way from bed to shower, belts out a chorus or three of “Puttin’ on the Ritz”, follows it up with a softly gleeful rendition of “Singing in the Rain”, and fantasises about ramming the thick, block head of his most loath’d nemesis Cory Bernardi into a wood-chipper.

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop tingles with coldly exquisite anticipation at every paragraph of ridicule and criticism of Abbott she reads, licks her lips, and trippingly tra-la-la’s her way down to the nearest high class fashion district to shop for new blouses and matching pearls, some sensible shoes, and other items of elegantly understated garb to best befit a Prime Minister in impatient waiting.

Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard, still with steel in her veins, and who bore the brunt of Abbott’s base, savage primal brutalism, and never once cracked under his  witheringly incoherent barrage of gonad-driven misogynistic hatred and contempt – “Make an honest woman out of her” – finishes watching another episode of “Game of Thrones”, lets her hair down, throws back her head, erupts with peals of glorious laughter.

North American citizen and billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch, Tweeting fool, boils with decrepit and aging rage and demands, DEMANDS, to blame it all on the barren bitch who runs Abbott’s office (the women are destroying the joint), instructing the always compliant polyps who cling to the increasingly desiccating organs of his Fish Wrapper Paper Empire to confect some righteous outrage over the whole goddamn thing, GODDAMMIT!, and help him elect a new Prime Minister to his liking. News Corpse. Morality on page one, tits on page three, on page thirty-seven, you can find an advertisement for sex call lines where a fifty-two year old woman on a disability pension will mimic an eight year old in a school tunic so that you can masturbate into a sock for sixty bucks, all major credit cards accepted.

“Quality journalism”, I think he calls it.

“There is something about the state putting the power to bully into the hands of subnormal, sadistic apes that makes my blood boil” (Gore Vidal).

You’re f***ed, Tony.

F***ed.

It’s delicious.

Clap hands. Clap hands.

Prince Philip ‘extremely deserving’ of Australian knighthood says minister; PM facing continuing backlash from party colleagues

Prince Philip notches up a milestone

Two Federal Government frontbenchers have defended Prince Philip’s contribution to Australia, as Prime Minister Tony Abbott faces an internal party backlash over his decision to grant the British royal a knighthood.

Mr Abbott’s move, revealed on Australia Day, has both puzzled and angered many of his colleagues keen for the Government to start the year on the front foot.

But frontbench Senator Michaelia Cash has described Prince Philip as “extremely deserving” in terms of the contribution he has made through schemes like the Duke of Edinburgh’s award.

“The backlash will be the backlash. Some people don’t agree with the decision,” she said.

“I’m all about celebrating. I choose to celebrate achievements. And both Angus Houston [also knighted on Australia Day] and Prince Philip have significant records of community service when it comes to the Commonwealth and Australia.”

She described the controversy over the decision as a “small distraction” from the bigger picture for the Government.

This morning senior minister Mathias Cormann dodged questions about whether the Prime Minister made the appropriate decision.

“I’m not a commentator. That was a decision that was made by the Prime Minister,” he told the AM program.

“Prince Philip has made a significant contribution in Australia. He’s made a significant contribution in particular to the Duke of Edinburgh award, to the lives of hundreds of thousands of young Australians.”

Queensland MP says ‘didn’t believe’ announcement

Yesterday, Cabinet ministers told the ABC they were bewildered, angered and dismayed by the award of a knighthood to the duke.

Two Queensland coalition MPs have broken ranks to publicly criticise the move, which other MPs have called “a stupid announcement”, “beyond ridiculous” and “another error of political judgment”.

Coalition MP Ewen Jones said he agreed governors-general could be eligible to be made knights or dames, but not British royals.

“I didn’t believe it,” he said.

“I thought of all the things we could do on Australia Day … Townsville’s citizen of the year was a 50-year volunteer of the Girl Guides. I think there’s a lot more for Australia that she’s done than Prince Philip.”

But Mr Jones does not think the decision reflects on the Prime Minister’s political judgment or on the Government.

“Everyone knows that Tony Abbott holds the monarchy very close to himself,” he said.

“This is a captain’s pick in which he’s made it very clear that this is what he wants to do. This has nothing to do with Government policy; it has nothing to do with process.

“This is something that Tony believes we as a nation need to do. I disagree, but I don’t think this shows that he is disconnected from the Australian people at all.

“Would I have done it? No. But do I object to him doing it? No, I don’t object to him doing it.”

MP says decision adds to ‘downward spiral’

Another MP was more forthright, saying the announcement took the edge off what could have been a good message for Australia Day and showed the Prime Minister’s misunderstanding of where Australia is at.

The MP said it was “a stupid announcement” and “manifestly amazing in the worst possible way”.

He said “it just adds to the downward spiral” because, while MPs are giving their “unswerving support” to Mr Abbott, “he comes up with Prince Philip”.

A second Queensland MP, Warren Entsch, said “for the life of me, I can’t understand why” Mr Abbott decided to honour a British royal.

Another MP said “everyone’s scratching their heads” at “another error of judgment”, adding tongue in cheek that it was appropriate in the centenary of Gallipoli for the Prime Minister to keep blowing the whistle, ordering troops to keep going over the top “only to face certain annihilation”.

“Beyond ridiculous” was yet another Coalition response.

Independent senator Nick Xenophon said Prince Philip already had “every title under the sun”.

“This is a bit like giving Bill Gates an abacus,” he said. “I don’t know what he’s going to do with it.”

Senator Xenophon said he did not see any upside to the Prime Minister’s decision to reinstate Australian knighthoods.

“When the Prime Minister made this announcement about a year ago, I thought it was wackily quaint and anachronistic,” he said.

“But now it’s just become an acute embarrassment, just plainly ridiculous.

“I reckon the Prime Minister is pushing his luck with backbenchers on this one.”

Liberals Great Successes: Booming Economy And A Reduction In Global Warming!

Unemployment Rate

“Today’s ABS Labour Force release is further evidence that the jobs market strengthened towards the end of 2014.

The Coalition Government is delivering our Economic Action Strategy to generate jobs and grow a more prosperous economy.

Today’s release shows that employment is growing, unemployment is coming down and more people are actively looking for work.

37,400 new jobs were created in the month of December, building on the 45,000 new jobs created in November and the unemployment rate fell to 6.1 per cent.

In 2014, 213,900 new jobs were created and jobs growth averaged around 17,800 per month; more than triple the average monthly jobs growth in 2013 of around 5,000 a month…

We have delivered on our commitments to get rid of the job destroying carbon and mining taxes, we are assisting small businesses to grow by removing red and green tape, and we are getting major projects underway with environmental approvals worth one trillion dollars; projects that will provide tens of thousands of jobs far into the future…

“2015 is the year of jobs and families – the Government will continue to focus on job creation because it’s good for individuals, it’s good for families and it’s good for the economy”

Eric Abetz

Yep, you’ve got to hand it to those Liberals. A year of “jobs and families”. That explains why the 2014 Budget was so unfamily friendly. It just wasn’t the year for them, but thankfully 2015 is their year.

Of course, they’ve already got off to a flyer on the jobs front: Unemployment is coming down. It’s 6.1%! We haven’t seen a figure like that since… Well, August, 2014. If it continues to fall at this rate, it’ll be back to those pre-Budget days when it was 5.8% by… Let’s see, if we assume that the rate of the fall from November to December is a trend and we extrapolute into 2015, then, why, we’re back to 5.8% by January. And we’ll be back to what it was under Labor before the Ides of March. Excellent!

Now, don’t go listening to the doomsayers that tell you taking the figures from November all the way through to December isn’t a trend. They clearly don’t understand that the figures are from the start of November all the way through to the end of December. A whole sixty one days! That’s more than most of the Liberals’ policies have lasted.

Speaking of policies, much has been made of the effect of dropping the carbon tax, but, as you’ve probably noticed 2015 hasn’t been as hot as 2014. While I don’t wish to get into a debate on climate change using facts and figures, or indeed any data that doesn’t suit my argument, I would just like to point out that the “warmists” have no way of explaining this pause in global warming.

And, what’s more, it occured after the removal of the carbon tax. – a tax which sent lamb roasts soaring to $100 and wiped Whyalla off the map. So those people who made exaggerated claims about what removing it would do, should now apologise for their alarmist nonsense! It just shows how effective their direct action policy is!

Yep, Australia is again open for business. The only slight dampener is that the renovations to The Lodge are taking so long.

“Some $3.19 million worth of work on the 88-year-old, 800sqm, 40-room Georgian-style home began in September 2013 and was due to be completed by mid 2014. It was commissioned by the former ALP government, but on December 12, the Abbott government signed off on changes to the contract, adding another 12 months to the completion date and upping the price tag to $6.38 million.”

I guess this is another example of Labor not meeting a deadline and going over budget! Thank goodness the Liberals are in power so they can double the budget and increase the deadline to a more realistic two years for a renovation project. (If you bet anyone before the election that Tony Abbott would never make it into The Lodge, I hope you haven’t paid out.)

Still perhaps this one of the major projects providing thousands of jobs that Abetz was talking about.

Yes, I’m looking forward to the “job and families” 2015 when unemployment dips to under 6%.

And, of course, if it doesn’t, that’ll just be because we’ve encouraged all those bludgers to start looking for a job, so naturally the participation rate will rise, which could lead to the unemployment rate rising. But that’ll just be a technical rise. We know that more people are working than ever, even if some them are on 457 visas, or Chinese nationals working under our new free trade agreement.

The main thing is that Australia is open for business!

In An Amazingly Stupid Statement, French President Tells Nation That Terrorist Acts “Have Nothing To Do With Muslim Religion”

francoishollande4

Paris (CT&P) – During an address to the nation earlier today, French President Francois Hollande told his countrymen that the actions of four filthy pig-dog Islamic fundamentalist nut jobs “had nothing to do with the Muslim religion.” Mr. Hollande made the statement with a straight face.

francois-hollande

The address to the nation was made shortly after French police and military units dispatched three of the terrorists in hail of gunfire and sent them on their journey to Hell.

Mr. Hollande was merely echoing the sentiments of heads of state and religious leaders around the world made over the past few days after 12 innocent people had their brains spilled on the floor of Charlie Hebdo, the satirical newspaper in Paris.

This high level of delusional behavior in our leaders has alarmed many experts in the field of mental health.

satantux

Dr. Frank Black, a psychoanalyst at the Banzai Institute in Holland Township, New Jersey, told reporters that “These idiot politicians and pompous ass religious leaders started spouting all this bullshit about the “religion of peace” shortly after the 9/11 attacks. Hell, even George Bush said we were not at war with Islam. I think anyone who has been incinerated or disemboweled by a fucking suicide bomber or maniac with an AK-47 might disagree.”

“After all, these brainless cretins are not running around killing people screaming ‘Roll Tide or War Eagle, are they?” continued Black. “They’re yelling Allahu Akbar! Well, I’m here to tell you, God ain’t that great. I don’t see millions of Muslims lining up to mourn the employees of Charlie Hebdo. Hell, even the president of the Catholic League chastised the cartoonists! Until we human beings outgrow this obsession with living forever and following rules written by cave men, we are going to continue to murder each other in ever-growing numbers. Fuck!”

fred-phelps-sr-ap0603190293

Although one terrorist apparently escaped capture even though she was surrounded by about a gazillion cops, Mr. Hollande told reporters that he was confident she would be captured. Hopefully this whore will also be torn apart by lead from fired from police machine guns. God forbid the French people have to pay for her food and lodging for the  rest of her natural life.

By the way, odds makers in Las Vegas will give you one chance in a million that the dirty, filthy bitch is not a Muslim.