Just twelve months ago, I was thinking about what a challenge writing was going to be. I mean, I expected that we were going to have a Shorten Labor government and, while I was sure that it would only be a matter of time before I’d be able to apply my satiric style to them, I was sure it was going to be more of a challenge. Let’s be real. With the Coalition the satire practically writes itself.
Take, for example, Scottie telling us that it’s time to get out from under the doona and that we need to get things moving again while it’s still too dangerous to fully re-open Parliament…
Panicked into action, FauxMo and Co. have seen their beloved lifters-and-leaners feudalistic #Mefirst ideology founder, as useful as a concrete lifejacket. I won’t lie – the schadenfreude of watching the rampaging, free-marketeers scramble for the sanctuary of the socialist life boat has brightened the gloom a tad and there’s some small promise of a better society and a greener planet once the pandemic has passed.
For those of us on the Left we need to heed the warning from the ASIO chief and sharpen our antennae for spotting any of these rightwing nut jobs before they wreck the joint. Should you spot any of the aforesaid rightwing nutters, call you mum she’s the only person you can trust – but keep an eye on her particularly if she starts saying things like ‘I do so miss Gerard Henderson on Insiders, he’s so balanced’ !
On other matters, I have to say that I was gobsmacked by the story about China trying to get someone elected to Chisholm. All I can say is thank God we got Gladys who assured us that she was never a member of all those Communist Party groups and thank God that we have Scott who told the media that they take these allegations seriously, because I find it pretty hard to take anything coming out of Canberra seriously these days!
As altruistic miners try to enter a building they’re stopped from their humanitarian aims by these incredibly selfish protestors who are just there for the fun of harassing the saints who, out of the goodness of their hearts, give up their spare time to find ways of giving people jobs. These saints of industry have worked tirelessly to eliminate all canaries from their coal mines and are moving towards a world where mining is fully automated and no humans will be forced to undertake such dangerous work. At such a time, they’ll then share the wealth they’ve created by donating their stuff to the people who can’t afford it at current prices because they’re such great human beings, unlike the bullies who are blocking their way just for the fun of it.
Whichever way you look at it, the protestors believe that they’re trying to save the planet. Even if you think that the planet doesn’t need saving, it’s really hard to argue that they’re the selfish ones. “You bastards, you’re only trying to save the Earth because you live on it! Have some consideration for people like Alan Jones who haven’t been on the planet for years!”
The Chosen One is just joking again(ODT)
Defending himself against accusations of seeking to profit off the presidency by planning to host a G7 summit next year at one of his resorts, Donald Trump on Monday estimated that being president had cost him $3bn to $5bn and said: “I don’t want to make money. I don’t care about making money.”
Well, it’s quite simple. Let’s imagine for a moment that I’m working for a highly sensitive department… Say something to do with stopping the boats. As we all know, “on water” matters are highly confidential… Or at least they became highly confidential after Scott Morrison became Immigration Monster; before that, everyone was free to publicise any information at all about boats arriving whether they were real or only imagined. Anyway, let’s imagine that I’m working in the department that’s in charge of stopping the boats and I discover that, in fact, the boats haven’t stopped and that there are boats arriving, sometimes carrying as many as twenty people. I quickly work out the realm is under threat because the government is secretly sneaking these so-called asylum seekers into the community and nobody has noticed even though we know have as many as three or four hundred happily minding their own business and enjoying their new life in Australia.
As a patriotic Australian, I’m outraged. I make copies of the necessary evidence and I smuggle it home where I… suddenly remember the AFP raids. And then it hits me. I can’t go to the media because I’ll almost certainly be exposed. No, I decide. I can’t take the personal risk.
See, it’s not the press that will have the problems. It’s the whistleblowers themselves. There’s no need for concern because in the future, the press won’t get the information so we won’t know whatever it is the we should be concerned about so we can all just keep going in blissful ignorance, happy that the government knows best and is having a go and helping me with my aspirations.
How good is Australia, eh?
*Just for clarification, AFP stands for Australian Federal Police and not Anti-Free Press.
Media Matters has now released clips and transcripts of Tucker Carlson making racist remarks on a shock-jock radio show, a day after exposing Carlson’s misogynistic and pro-pedophilia remarks on the same show. But according to conservatives, everything Carlson said should be ignored by the public — not because the clips and quotes are fake (they aren’t), and not because they’re out of context (they aren’t), but because they were discovered using (gasp!) research.
Here’s Mike LaChance at William Jacobson’s blog, Legal Insurrection:
These audio clips didn’t just fall out of the sky. The people at Media Matters went looking for them. They sat and combed through hours of audio looking for something to use to target Tucker and his Fox News show.
So these clips are fruits from a poison tree! They should be stricken from the record!
And then, there was the true hero: a sixth grade boy, invited by the President, who slept his way through much of the 82-minute, 51,000-word speech.
President Donald Trump and first lady Melania invited several special guests to the address, which ran well past 10.30pm on a school night.
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told an event in Sydney that he ‘cried on his knees’ over the plight of children in Nauru, and just wished he was in a position to directly effect change.
“You think about these children and you pray, you cry, and you pray some more. But there’s only so much you can do. It’s frustrating because you feel so powerless,” Morrison said, asking the audience whether they knew anyone who worked in immigration.
“I can’t tell you the number of times I wished I had connections with a government minister or someone in the immigration department with some sort of influence over the situation’,” he said.
Well, ScoMo – as we’re all encouraged to call him – saw something ugly. Not just ugly, but “one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen”!
What was it?
The testimony of those abused by that Royal Commission we didn’t need? No, not the one into the banks. The one into sexual abuse of children at the hands of institutions. Remember the Liberals were dragged kicking and screaming into that one, too.
Or was it the sight of children in detention? No, that’s a deliberate policy. It’s a deterrent. I mean, if you have children self-harming and suicidal that should put people off coming to Australia without their au pair papers in order.
Was it animals dying in the drought? Of course not.
It was, of course, a union official who photographed his kids. Yes, John Setka. tweeted photos of his kids holding a sign telling the Liberals to fu#k off and catch real criminals. He acknowledged that it was a mistake and took it down.
So, if that was one of the “ugliest things” Scottie’s ever seen, I would suggest that he doesn’t get out much…
Is the political zeitgeist an old spectre up for some new haunting? Or are the times more like a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “the combination of inequality and low wage growth is fuelling discontent. Time to sing a new song.”
In days gone past, they used to slice open an animal’s belly and study the shape of its spilled entrails to find out. But we could just keep an eye on the news.
Here are my seven signs of the neoliberal apocalypse: