Ok, the recession isn’t really over yet. I’m just getting in early because the Deputy Governor of the Reserve Bank said something about growth that gave rise to a headline or two about the recession being over.The Recession Is Over So Let’s Thank Josh Frydenberg… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
In the recent few days, there’s the Cartier watches; the ABC paying Foxtel so that they can cover women’s soccer after Foxtel was given government money to cover women’s sport; the disappearance of all documents relating to the “grants” in NSW; the realisation that even if Trump is voted out, some people still think that Donald Trump is a reasonable pick for President; the confusion that, four years after Trump’s surprise win, the best the Democrats could come up with was Joe Biden; the media’s presentation of the Melbourne lockdown protests and the fact that many people are tipping Richmond to win the AFL flag by more points than they’re likely to kick for the whole game… Strangely that last one is the least of my concerns! Ok, let me take them one at a time:2020: It Doesn’t Exist And I Have Entered A Parallel Universe! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
To anyone who looks for consistency, political commentary can be confusing. You know the sort of thing, Brett Sutton is meant to be in trouble because he claims that he didn’t remember something in one of the thousands of emails he received, but Gladys is ok because she can’t be expected to remember that her boyfriend had to stand down because he was dodgy.Forget Kevin Rudd’s Petition, I Have A Much Better Idea… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
The media can be quite invasive. What right did they have to splash this poor woman’s personal life across their front pages and to lead with stories about her poor judgement? Ok, there may have been criminal activity involved, but is it her fault if she happens to be involved with the wrong guy.The Poor Women Has A Right To A Private Life! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
It should be obvious that it’s only thanks to me that we’re in this position and that she should show a little gratitude to me and ScoMo, but no, it’s all, blame, blame, blame. Why she even suggested that the budget was terrible for women over thirty five because they’d actually find it harder to get work after the youth subsidies. She completely overlooks that the infrastructure spending will mean that they have nicer roads to travel on while they look for work and all the promised mental health support if they can’t cope with not getting it. That’s the trouble with the left. They’re just never grateful.It’s Clear My Wife Doesn’t Understand How Good Scott Morrison Is! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
So if I were forced to pick between this being real and something Trump made up, I’d pick the scenario that he has actually been diagnosed with Covid-19 for a few simple Occam’s Razor-like reasons: 1) He’s been trying to play down Covid-19 all year, so to now tell people it’s something that can disrupt his election campaign suggests that he might have got it wrong. 2) Disappearing for a few days or weeks disrupts his narrative that he’s a strong man and nothing can stop him. 3) The fact that Hope Hicks was diagnosed first and then he and Melanie got tested indicates a level of planning that I suspect would be too difficult for Trump as it involves a two-step plan. 4) It’s been suggested that the Republicans told him to hide away so that he didn’t have to do any more debates because he lost. Trump never listens to anyone so it’s unlikely he’d believe them about either losing the debate or the necessity of hiding so that he didn’t need to do more. 5) This puts Covid-19 front and centre when Trump has been trying to shift the campaign chatter to the economy. While he could theoretically argue that the big drop in markets when he tested positive shows how much he’s needed, that’s not the sort of argument that sways many people. It’s sort of like when your partner turns up late when you’ve been trying to prepare for guests and says, “Wow, look at the mess you’re in. This just shows how important I am!” If you really wanted to impress, it would have been better to have been there.Trump, Conspiracies And Occam’s Razor! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Now, I know some of you will be pointing out that Morrison and his band of merry men aren’t one of those who’ve agreed to a pay freeze/reduction, but remember they’re all struggling on upwards of $200,000 a year and Josh hasn’t even announced the tax cut for people like that yet… Mm, if not receiving promised increases are cuts, should reducing the tax you pay in the future be considered a tax cut?Scott Morrison Giving People The Ships! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
And with the money we save we could afford to give even greater tax cuts to those having a go. Yes, it’s all in how you frame it. Apparently it’s fine to suggest that we can’t afford any economic slowdown just to keep old people alive. After all, they’ve had a pretty good innings so they can just shut up and accept that Covid-19 will kill a few of them. Yes, that seems to be an acceptable way to treat the elderly if you’re a politician or an economist or someone who has a media gig… But if you should suggest touching their franking credits, you’re some sort of monster!The Economy Above All – Even Life Itself! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Anyway, this latest proposal should go a long way towards helping get us out of the current recession. There’s nothing like a power plant that hasn’t been built for bringing down energy prices. I can’t work out why some people are being cynical about it! Ok, back into the Delorean. I’d make a little trip into the future to see when the plant is actually built, but there may not be enough fuel in the universe to get there and back!Reducing Energy Prices And Getting The Debt and Deficit Under Control or Back To The Future XXIV – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Although the gods do seem to starting to say that it’s about time your luck ran out, Mr Morrison. Big announcement on vaccines, then a few days later the trial is halted. Ok, it’s always likely that there could be a glitch and that there needs to be a pause in a medical trial. That’s why it takes so long to get a new drug or vaccine on the market. I’m just amused that the timing was so soon after the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Usually the Liberals make the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT and it’s some months later when we discover that only $27.38 was spent out of the $2 billion announced owing to people not filling in the application form before the due date which was two days before the form was released to the public.Tim Smith Is Paid A Lot More Than Me And His Achievements Are Abusive Tweets… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
When one writes satire, it’s sometimes hard to write something serious and have people realise that you’re actually just writing what you actually think, particularly if one is simply describing the political situation in countries where people like Scotty, Boris and Donald are leaders. However, I felt that I should note the passing of Dave Graeber, the writer of two of my favourite non-fiction books, Debt: The First 5,000 Years and Bullshit Jobs: A Theory.Vale Dave Graeber – » The Australian Independent Media Network
PRIME MINISTER: Well the bus is going all the way up to Rockie and that’s where it was always planning to go. I mean, it’s a big state and I need to cover as much of it in four days as I can. So we were never planning to take the bus to Townsville, we’d always planned to take that last leg up to Townsville by plane because that was the most effective way to get there and to spend the most time there with people on the ground. I mean, these visits aren’t about sitting on a bus. They’re about actually engaging with small businesses and our supporters and the people of Queensland and listening to them.
JOURNALIST: Then why have the bus?
PRIME MINISTER: Because it gets me from A to B.
JOURNALIST: Will you be taking the bus to Rockhampton from here?
PRIME MINISTER: Yes. The bus will be going to Rockhampton from here. That’s right.
JOURNALIST: With you on it? PRIME MINISTER: I’ve got to get there earlier than the bus tonight.The Important Thing Says Scotty Is That The Wheels on The Bus Go Round And Round… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Ok, I’ve realised that it’s not even worth commenting any more. I mean there are only three sorts of people in the world: Those who are already aware that Morrison is all about the announcement and the details can be worked out later, but they almost certainly won’t be because the devil is in the detail and he definitely doesn’t want to go round releasing the devil. Those who believe Scotty and, incidentally, are buying shares in my unicorn which is a certainty for the Melbourne Cup because unicorns can fly, and finally, Those with a vested interest in seeing Morrison succeed.Morrison Promises Free Rides For All Once Unicorn Is Genetically Engineered! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Anyway, back in Canberra the Saviour was able to quickly explain the situation in aged care facilities:
The challenges are not unique to Australia so don’t try and blame the Federal Government who is responsible for the regulation of aged care.
It’s inevitable that Covid-19 will get into aged care facilities because of the high rate of community infection.
It’s being brought in by staff and not spontaneously appearing in the residents who are under lockdown and not allowed to leave.
Brendan Murphy still agrees with Morrison even though he’s no longer CMO but he’s always available for a press conference.
“When it rains, everyone gets wet.” This I presume is because the profit motive is so strong and the regulations so lax in Aged Care Facilities that there’s no necessity to fix the holes in the roof.
When the Prime Minister made the bold assertion that there was no slavery in Australia, many were quick to point out his poor knowledge of our history forcing Morrison to correct himself. Of course, many people would have left it as that, but not our leader.
No, we can’t have all these elites telling the PM that he’s wrong, so he sprung into action and doubled the price of doing a Humanities course at university. That’ll teach those smart-arises to correct him.
Anyway, it’s good to know that Scotty will be providing commentary from now on. I look forward to his take on such things as how the Liberals manage branch stacking when they don’t – as Malcolm told us – have factions. Or perhaps commentary on Bridget McKenzie’s skill that enables her to criticise Labor for inappropriateness, while keeping a straight face. I look forward to him providing a running commentary on exactly why he rejects the premise of any question that doesn’t suit him.
And I particularly look forward to his commentary when told about an upcoming leadership challenge or Liberal Party scandal…
No, I don’t know anything but it’s been over eighteen months since the last change of PM, so surely someone must start spreading rumours soon. And it’s been over a week since the last suggestion of Liberal Party corruption… Or clever politics, as the MSM refer to it.
Surely something must be about to happen.
Just twelve months ago, I was thinking about what a challenge writing was going to be. I mean, I expected that we were going to have a Shorten Labor government and, while I was sure that it would only be a matter of time before I’d be able to apply my satiric style to them, I was sure it was going to be more of a challenge. Let’s be real. With the Coalition the satire practically writes itself.
Take, for example, Scottie telling us that it’s time to get out from under the doona and that we need to get things moving again while it’s still too dangerous to fully re-open Parliament…
It does strike me as a little premature for the Treasurer and others to start saying that whatever we spend now will have to be paid back. While we need a nuanced discussion about the best way to get the economy roaring along like the turtle it was pre-Coronavirus, to tweet something like that seems a bit premature. Like a doctor telling a family just before someone has surgery that the bill will need to be paid even if the patient dies.
It’s true, but it does make him sound as though the main thing on his mind is the health of his bank balance rather than the health of his patient.
Who was dutifully promoting and playin wingman to this bullshit none other than Andrew Bolt (ODT)
After my essential journey to the supermarket to buy chocolate, I couldn’t help noticing the front page headline on “The Australian” which blared:
TEACHERS DEFYING VIRUS SCIENCE
Quite a neat trick rely, I thought. How does one “defy” science? Is it like defying gravity? Or is it like defying your boss and announcing that there’s no way you’re going to perform that task without the correct safety equipment?
No, what I find amazing is the sheer hypocrisy of a newspaper that can switch from an “everyone has a right to an opinion and scientists have been wrong in the past” position to a “you don’t have the right to question because you’ve been told by the PM so shut up and do what you’re told” stance.
And, of course, this completely overlooks the fact that teachers are doing what they’re told. In some states, teacher unions are pushing to ensure safety, but to the best of my knowledge none have suggested teachers refusing to attend school. Except for private schools, it’s state governments who’ve made the decisions about schools, not the teachers themselves.
Still, Rupert’s editors have never let the truth get in the way of the story.
Of course when I say that the Australian Federal Police found no evidence of the existence of Malcolm Roberts, I have to be fair and point out that they didn’t look for any. As with the Angus Taylor case, they saw no need to waste valuable resources when there was very little likelihood of finding any evidence. And there was obvioulsy almost no chance of finding any evidence because they weren’t going to look.
Given people’s unhappiness, I thought I’d give you my own list.
EMPTHY TRAINING 101 BY SCOTT MORRISON
There’s a rumour going around that Scott Morrison is in Hawaii staying in a Trump hotel with his wife and family, which includes the Hillsong guy who may or may not have been uninvited to the Whitehouse. This has caused some criticism from people who think he should be providing some sort of leadership because there are one or two fires burning round the country.
On other matters, I have to say that I was gobsmacked by the story about China trying to get someone elected to Chisholm. All I can say is thank God we got Gladys who assured us that she was never a member of all those Communist Party groups and thank God that we have Scott who told the media that they take these allegations seriously, because I find it pretty hard to take anything coming out of Canberra seriously these days!
As altruistic miners try to enter a building they’re stopped from their humanitarian aims by these incredibly selfish protestors who are just there for the fun of harassing the saints who, out of the goodness of their hearts, give up their spare time to find ways of giving people jobs. These saints of industry have worked tirelessly to eliminate all canaries from their coal mines and are moving towards a world where mining is fully automated and no humans will be forced to undertake such dangerous work. At such a time, they’ll then share the wealth they’ve created by donating their stuff to the people who can’t afford it at current prices because they’re such great human beings, unlike the bullies who are blocking their way just for the fun of it.
Whichever way you look at it, the protestors believe that they’re trying to save the planet. Even if you think that the planet doesn’t need saving, it’s really hard to argue that they’re the selfish ones. “You bastards, you’re only trying to save the Earth because you live on it! Have some consideration for people like Alan Jones who haven’t been on the planet for years!”
Instead of using reason and evidence, perhaps we should start saying things that will split the Coalition. Here’s a list of ten possible ways to wedge the Liberal Party which you could use for Twitter or a letter to the Editor:
However, when a scientist starts to suggest that climate change isn’t real and that it’s just a conspiracy, I have to wonder why they aren’t actually putting forward an alternative hypothesis that challenges the climate scientists. When they start to argue like Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt, I can’t but think that they’re sounding about as sane as Freddie who is blaming me for the slump in Richmond’s form is a result of my refusal to give Freddie his socks back.
It seems just a few days ago that the Liberals were telling us how good they’ve been at creating jobs. I suppose if you use the word “creating” in the sense of a making up a thing that’s not really there, then one would have to agree.
Then again, Scottie is very helpful these days. When it was discovered that one of the councils being given drought relief was actually experiencing a bumper season, our PM told us that he made no apology for being generous… which would be fine, were it not for the fact that the councils to which he was so generous didn’t seem to be in any Labor electorates. I’m mildly surprised that the metropolitan electorate of Chisholm wasn’t given drought relief, not because it’s a marginal electorate, but because city people have to pay higher food prices thanks to the drought…
And then there’s the NDIS which is so generous that it had more money than people needed. How else do you explain the $4.5 billion in unspent funds this financial year? Incompetence in its administration? Ridiculous. The Coalition is in charge! An obsession with returning the Budget to surplus no matter who suffers? You cynic! As if the government would do such a thing.
Whatever, the CO2 Coalition have a nifty website and several of them have degrees in Physics, so that makes them an expert in climate science. Similarly, my degree makes me and expert in brain surgery, so if you need a tumour removed…
Mm, and then there’s Gladys Liu. While she may not be a card carrying member of the Chinese Communist Party, she’s certainly belonged to organisations which are meant to advance China’s interests in other countries. When Scottie hears this, does he announce that he’ll ask the security forces to check it out? No, he calls her a great Australian and accuses people of racism for even suggesting that there are questions to answer.
Good on him, says the Chinese newspaper. (This is real, I’m not making it up).
Now imagine if Jeremy Corbyn or Bill Shorten had introduced a card to control people’s spending, presided over raids on journalists and then was praised by the Communists for standing up for a possible Chinese propaganda stooge. Yeah, I can see the Murdoch press calling for their extradition to Guatanamo Bay as a threat to the nation.
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But Scott, it seems, is ok right up until he says, How Good is the Socialist state?
Channel 9, when not hosting Liberal fundraisers, are one of the nation’s top investigative units. Take “A Current Affair”. More than twenty years after they found the Paxton family and managed to portray them to the nation as work-shy bludgers, they’ve found another candidate for the public pillory.
The promo for tomorrow’s episode tells us: “HE’S UNEMPLOYED, 30, ON WELFARE AND HE SPENDS IT ON DRUGS!”
You gotta laugh at not with the man (ODT)
Liberal Treasurer has almost no control over things unless their good things and then it’s all down to the superior ability to control the Beast, household spending, the weather of whatever it’s being compared to in the latest attempt to make it clear that even though the debt has doubled and growth has stalled and we’re fiddling with how we judge success on the unemployment front, the Coalition Treasurer still had everything under control and the fundamentals are just fine.
What are the fundamentals?
They’re anything we can point to and say, “See that’s not so bad, is it?”
Damn, I was intending to write something about Andrew Bolt and his defence of the magazine that confused the picture of that black model with a picture of some other black person which wasn’t a problem because don’t they all look alike and that’s not racist. I was intending to label a photo of Joseph Goebbels and then apologise by saying that it’s an easy mistake to make because all Nazis look alike to me.
But of course that’s a cheap and pathetic shot. Andrew is not a Nazi. Neither does he have the capacity of Goebbels for clever sophistry, so I’d be wrong on two counts.
I started writing something about the Sri Lankan family currently being held on Christmas Island. Apparently the two year old was separated from her mother and cried the whole flight and I had this nice little dialogue about how separating children from their parents was a good thing because it deterred people from coming here – at least by boat – and therefore it saved people from drowning…
I stopped because I suddenly realised that we were hearing much the same thing from Peter Dutton and, well, I sort of lost my taste for trying to outdo the man and actually come up with something that can exaggerate him to the point of satire. It made me remember how his wife wondered why people think that he’s a monster when he’s quite nice when he’s at home… That’s really good to know. I’m relieved that he doesn’t keep his own children behind razor wire or use the excuse that he’s only exposing his wife to psychological torture as a deterrent to his children.
And when he said that Julia Gillard should be put in a chaff bag and thrown into the sea, he didn’t mean a literal chaff bag, any bag would have done. Of course, this did mean some ambiguity about the word “sacked”, when he suggested that Opera House chief, Louise Herron, should be sacked for refusing to acquiesce to his demands over a horse race.
And when one of Turnbull’s lawyers contacted him, the old rascal realised that calling Malcolm “a traitor to the nation” may have been open to misinterpretation.
Then, of course, was his comments last year when the leadership of Turnbull was under threat: “The n—– in the woodpile here, if one can use that expression – and I’m not going to yield to people who tell us that certain words in the language are forbidden – the person who’s playing hard to get is Mathias Cormann.”
Yes, Alan Jones deserves a second chance. We all make mistakes and say things that we don’t mean in the heat of the moment… It’s just that most of us don’t do it on radio because we don’t have our own sock jock show. Whoops, I meant shock jock.
P.S. On Sunday night, the ABC ran David Attenborough’s “Climate Change; The Facts”. I understand, that there has been some backlash because they didn’t balance this by presenting non-facts. Malcolm Roberts is said to be ropable and is planning to write to the ABC management just as soons as he learns his other lettters.
This has to do with Timmy Wilson using his recent swearing in to express his religious views to the world. In case you aren’t aware, the book he held in his hand was “Capitalism And Freedom” by Milton Friedman. Now some held a religious tome; others chose to simply swear an oath. As far as I’m aware Wilson was the only one to raise Friedman’s ideas to the level of the Bible, the Torah or the Koran. Apparently Wilson is suggesting that Friedman is some sort of latter day messiah. Why else hold the book in your hand while being sworn in?
When Scott Morrison told us that we needed more love, I must admit that I was a little cynical. Was this the same Scott Morrison that locked up asylum seekers, wanted those under thirty to wait six months for the dole, opposed marriage equality, restricted the notion of a “fair go” to those “having a go”, promised to repeal the Medevac legislation, and relentlessly attacked Bill Shorten and the Labor Party? Surely not! It must be some other Scott Morrison. Was our PM going soft? What next? Will he be out hugging some distraught voter Jacinda Adern style? Apart from his attachment to a lump of coal and his affectionate hug of Malcolm just before he screwed him, I’ve never seen anything resembling love from the man.
Ok, ok, love is a very private thing… Unless you’re Barnaby Joyce who’s prepared to talk about it publicly providing you can pay $150,000 for an interview.
Anyway, Mr Morrison seemed to have relinquished the idea that politicians can achieve anything when he told the congregation at Hillsong: “Our nation needs more prayer, more worship. That’s how things are overcome.”
What is the difference between USA, AUS,UK and NZ and Canada? Rupert Murdoch Hundreds of millions invested to make Billions. Roger Ailes Movie: ‘Divide and Conquer’ Review – Rolling Stone https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/roger-ailes-documentary-divide-conquer-fox-news-762855/ (ODT)
Liberal Party Headquarters, May 20th
Strategy Meeting. Barry and Harry, two strategists are meeting after the re-election of the Coalition Government.
And isn’t a compassionate god more likely to be on my side than Folau’s when I say that Peter Dutton and Scott Morrison are going to Hell for their treatment of the people on Manus and Nauru? I say this without even arguing for a moment that these people – including the children that Peter “Before the cock crows will deny that his constitutionally eligibility three times” Dutton insists aren’t in detention – have the right to seek asylum and are not people arriving in this country illegally… Ok, I know you may spend several minutes unpacking that sentence… Like I said, we’re all in Hell now.
Ross Leigh and Andrew Bolt are one and the same have you ever seen them in a room together? (ODT)
One of my pet hates is people who respond to the headline and don’t actually read what I’ve written. Yes, yes, I know that one can argue that headlines should actually reflect what one is writing but I have three problems with this:
Often the headline isn’t chosen by the person writing.
I’ve found that people tend to read headlines that they disagree with more often than ones they agree with. For example, “Why Tony Abbott Was Australia’s Greatest PM” will get more views than “Why Tony Abbott Overachieved Given He Became PM With A Total Lack Of Charm Or Intelligence!”
I’m often writing satire.
So, just to annoy people who don’t read beyond the title, I’ve decided to call this one “Drilling The Great Barrier Reef For Oil”.
As far as I know, there is neither oil anywhere near the Great Barrier Reef nor any proposal to look for any potential drill sites…
But hearing that Sportsbet has already paid out on a Labor win, I had to wonder if the media are going to stick to their “It’s just too close call” line, or whether they say that there’s always Brexit and Donald Trump to make us a little circumspect, but Saturday may end up being an early night.