If Rowan Dean were Katy Hopkins he wouldn’t be kicked out of the country he’d be kicked on to the Bolt Report to help Andrew Bolt out.
A Chinese ship that approached the Queensland coast in the hopes of undermining Australian democracy has packed it in after accidentally catching an episode of Outsiders. “We were planning to weaken the fabric of Australian democracy, but then we heard Rowan Dean do a segment on Dr Suess books and we thought, what’s the point? We might just leave you guys to it,” the commander said as he steered the boat around and headed back to Beijing.
We learnt this week that, in the absence of a full time Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd has been hitting the phones with Pfizer, to try to sort out Australia’s vaccine debacle. But it turns out Kevin isn’t the only former Prime Minister doing more work than Scott Morrison right now. With the vaccine rollout in disarray and a Prime Minister that seems to vanish faster than an AFP hacking investigation into Greg Hunt’s porn tweets, almost every former PM with a pulse (and a few without one) are doing more than Scomo.
Saying it was important to target the most vulnerable sectors of the economy, Treasurer Josh Frydenberg today unveiled a $200 million stimulus package to give a leg up to whatever the fuck Angus Taylor’s family has got its mitts into at the moment. Announcing the package, Mr Frydenberg said the funds would provide the quick boost the Taylor family needs.
Scott Morrison says all Australians in Liberal-held electorates on a margin of less than 2% can look forward to free vaccinations when they become available, possibly as early as next year. The Prime Minister said while he hoped to eventually provide vaccinations to all Australians, it was important to prioritise those most in need.