Defence Minister Peter Dutton’s portfolio has been extended to including hosting ABC’s seven o’clock bulletin, in a move designed to ensure Australians hear the right news. Mr Dutton – who will take on the role in addition to his existing responsibilities – has extensive media experience and is seen as having a better grasp than his predecessors of the types of stories Australians should hear.
If Rowan Dean were Katy Hopkins he wouldn’t be kicked out of the country he’d be kicked on to the Bolt Report to help Andrew Bolt out.
A Chinese ship that approached the Queensland coast in the hopes of undermining Australian democracy has packed it in after accidentally catching an episode of Outsiders. “We were planning to weaken the fabric of Australian democracy, but then we heard Rowan Dean do a segment on Dr Suess books and we thought, what’s the point? We might just leave you guys to it,” the commander said as he steered the boat around and headed back to Beijing.
We learnt this week that, in the absence of a full time Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd has been hitting the phones with Pfizer, to try to sort out Australia’s vaccine debacle. But it turns out Kevin isn’t the only former Prime Minister doing more work than Scott Morrison right now. With the vaccine rollout in disarray and a Prime Minister that seems to vanish faster than an AFP hacking investigation into Greg Hunt’s porn tweets, almost every former PM with a pulse (and a few without one) are doing more than Scomo.
A Queensland politician who once fucked up the basic task of counting beyond forty, says members of parliament should be chosen on the basis of merit, not gender.
Saying it was important to target the most vulnerable sectors of the economy, Treasurer Josh Frydenberg today unveiled a $200 million stimulus package to give a leg up to whatever the fuck Angus Taylor’s family has got its mitts into at the moment. Announcing the package, Mr Frydenberg said the funds would provide the quick boost the Taylor family needs.Government To Stimulate Economy With Extra $200 Million For ‘Whatever Racket Angus Taylor’s Into Right Now’ | The Shovel
Treasurer Josh Frydenberg last night delivered his second budget as Treasurer, beginning his speech by noting that the figures had been checked and were correct, give or take $60 billion.Frydenberg Starts Budget Speech With Reminder That All Figures Are Correct To Closest $60 Billion | The Shovel
An overwhelming proportion of scientists now accept that Liberal MP Craig Kelly is a fucking idiot, new analysis shows.Clear Link Between Craig Kelly And Total Fucking Stupidity, Scientists Claim | The Shovel
Scott Morrison says all Australians in Liberal-held electorates on a margin of less than 2% can look forward to free vaccinations when they become available, possibly as early as next year. The Prime Minister said while he hoped to eventually provide vaccinations to all Australians, it was important to prioritise those most in need.Morrison promises free vaccinations for all Australians living in marginal electorates | The Shovel