This is what’s happening. You have an American president who is now taking a meat ax to the only American industry that is growing. The clean energy sector in America is producing jobs —
As a general rule, it’s probably wise to ignore what Donald Trump tweets. But I couldn’t help break that rule this week.
The Catheter Cowboy has a word for you (okay, just Donald Trump) about defending sexual predators, to run during the Bill O’Reilly Show!
Phone records show members of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign had repeated contact with Russian intelligence officials before the US election, US media reports says.
Being on hiatus for the past few months, John Oliver said while promoting Sunday night’s first Last Week Tonight of the Donald Trump presidency, was like “being tied to a train track, watching the train coming.”
WASHINGTON – In a ceremony at the White House this morning President Trump signed an executive order effectively banning any future executive orders. The order is to take effect immediately.
“Executive orders have done more to destroy this country than any other thing I can think of,” said the President as he held up what appeared to be a Denny’s restaurant menu for the assembled press to see.
“I was elected to give power back to the people, and you don’t do that by being a tyrant like Barack Obama,” said the illiterate orange turd.
“In the future 27% of the eligible voters in this country will decide everything for the rest of the population, not some dictator drunk on his own power,” said the miscreant with bad hair and a micropenis.
Kellyanne Conway, appearing on CNN after the ceremony, told viewers that this particular executive order was all Trump’s idea and she didn’t think he had quite thought this one through.
“He may want to go back and rescind this particular executive order with a new executive order,” she said, as her face appeared to morph into a skull.
Conway told Chris Cuomo that she was sure that the order made sense in some way because it was “Our Lord’s” idea. She then lunged across the table and tried to suck the lifeforce out of Cuomo before withering into a discolored, sagging skin sack and slumped to the floor.
When asked about the order on a special edition of Fox News tonight aired in the middle of the day, George will told Bret Baier that he had no idea what was going on.
The nation has managed to elect the dumbest motherfucker the western world has ever seen,” said Will. “I can’t help you out with this one Bret.”
Will then excused himself saying he had to catch a plane to Bozeman in order to shop for off-grid survival shelters.
By Mano Pequeño, Proboscis Presidential Affairs Correspondent
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the inauguration ceremony, more than a million Americans took to the streets of their nation’s capitol, in a women’s march to protest the presidency of Donald J. Trump. Many of the protesters out on the streets that day showed their support for women’s rights by crafting and wearing “pink pussy” hats, pink knit hats with cat ears, a clever play on words designed as a response to the new president’s propensity for nonconsensually grabbing women’s genitals.
Unfortunately for the newly inaugurated president, that sea of pink, knit, vagina symbolism was close enough to the real thing to get the Donald’s rape-motor running. That vaguely yonic headgear was to Donald J. Trump what waving a red flag is to an angry bull.
From his window in the oval office, Trump, making phone calls to his supporters, noticed the crowd of protesters outside. As he registered the thousands and thousands of pink hats, his tiny hands began to shake. His breathing became deep and fast, and sweat beaded his orange forehead. To the caller on the phone, he said, “Look Vlad, the girls are going to have to wait at the airport. Something’s come up. Yeah, tell them to to just go ahead and go. They can drink more water when they get here.”
Trump-wranglers Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon tried valiantly to restrain their boss, as he went into a full-on sexual frenzy, precipitated by the army of vagina hats outside on Pennsylvania avenue. “Grab them by the pussy!” the President screamed, struggling as Conway and Bannon held his arms. “They let you do that when you’re a star! I have the best hands!”
“No, Donald!” yelled Kellyanne, Presidential advisor and chief necromancer, “They’re not real! Knit vaginas can’t even not consent to being grabbed!” She struggled to fill a syringe with a sedative.
“Don’t do it, Donald!” said Bannon, Trump’s campaign strategist and Nazi-in-Chief. “It’s a filthy Jew trick!”
Despite help from several junior staffers, Trump broke free from his handlers and ran headlong through the second-story window, landing on the White House lawn. In a frenzy of sexual energy, he scaled the fence.
From there, the President began grabbing every pink pussy hat in sight, as outraged marchers beat him about the head and shoulders with cleverly worded protest signs. The Secret Service struggled to keep up with Trump as he staggered through the crowd like a drunk, shouting, “I don’t even wait, I just kiss! When you’re president, they let you do it! Grab ’em by the pussy!”
Very soon, the obese, seventy year old president ran out of stamina. With sadly low energy, his tiny hands cramping from sexually assaulting hundreds of knit hats, he collapsed to the ground. Capitol police dispersed the crowd so that emergency medical services could reach Trump. He was taken by helicopter to a nearby hospital and treated for narcissistic exhaustion.
In a press conference, White House press secretary Sean Spicer declared that the incident never happened, but if it did, the women were all asking for it because their hats were whores, and it was pretty awesome of the president to grab all those whore pussy hats, because he’s a total alpha. But the fact remains that it didn’t happen, because the inauguration was a total success and the protest never happened, and all footage of the protest was a computer generated liberal lie, designed to disgrace our Dear Leader, because nobody could possibly protest Trump, since he entered office with a four hundred and six percent approval rating, and furthermore we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
Settler supremacist embraces rise of white supremacy in US.
Before the members of the Electoral College cast votes for President, it’s important that we all listen to this message, take it to heart, and take action.
Ninety-four per cent of Americans believe that Air Force One is qualified to be an airplane, while only twenty-one per cent feel that way about Trump as President.
Harrison Ford didn’t mince his words!
If nothing else ever did, Trump’s childish tweet against Boeing proves his tweets have real-world consequences now.
Well, most of them, anyway!
President-elect Donald Trump took to Twitter initially on Saturday to react in only four words to Fidel Castro’s death before issuing a longer statement condemning the “brutal dictator” and yearning for a free Cuba.
Neo-Nazis and white nationalists have vocally backed Trump.
All the signs that Trump was steaming to victory were there, if you’d been paying attention.
The renowned American linguist and philosopher Noam Chomsky has warned the US Republican party is now “the most dangerous organisation in world history” because of the denial of climate change by President-elect Donald Trump and other leading figures. Following the US elections, Professor Chomsky said it appeared humans planned to answer what he called “the most important question in their history … by accelerating the race to disaster”.
Canberra’s get-out-of-jail card on the future of the hundreds of Australia-bound refugees on Nauru and Manus Island may have a very short shelf-life, with the head of a prominent US anti-immigration think tank warning: “this is the kind of thing the Trump administration will nix on Day 1.”
With the US Election only days away, the rest of the world watches on as the American public decides who will be the next ‘leader of the free world’ – Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump? Hillary Clinton has been a key player on the world stage for years now, so we have some idea of…
Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump has moved swiftly to remove the stench created by Australian Senator Cory Bernardi’s endorsement, saying he had no prior knowledge of the South Australian’s backing.
“I have standards,” Mr Trump said in a carefully-worded statement today. “This is not the type of company I want to keep – I have an image to maintain here. People are free to make endorsements, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept them”.
The Trump camp is acutely aware that an association with someone as ridiculous as Cory Bernardi is not a good look. At this late stage in the campaign, image-management is everything.
Political commentator John Scotchmore said candidates were often judged by the people they associated with. “Trump supporters are willing to go along with some pretty crazy ideas, but there are limits,” he said, adding it was a ‘smart move’ by Trump HQ to move so decisively on the matter.
For many voters, this election is not simply about deciding the next president of the United States; it’s a referendum on what it means to be American.
The Oscar-winning documentarian will unveil ‘Michael Moore In Trumpland’, what he calls the film “Republicans tried to shut down”.
Michelle Obama draws a direct line between Donald Trump’s comments and everyday fears women live with regarding sexual harassment.
Mr Abbott’s intervention in the United States election comes as Hillary Clinton’s lead over Mr Trump widened to double-digits following the release of numerous historical tapes in which Mr Trump brags that he can get away with grabbing women by the pussy because he is a star.
NEW YORK – (CT&P) – Appearing on AM Joy this morning on MSNBC, Kellyanne Conway told host Joy Reid that she was not really concerned about the shocking new video in which Donald Trump describes his pickup technique, which apparently includes grabbing a woman’s genitalia as soon as he’s introduced.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Conway. “Everybody grabs a pussy at some point in their life, and some of us grab a whole bunch of pussies. I’d be willing to bet that Hillary Clinton has grabbed more than her share of pussies in her time. In fact, I bet there’s not a pussy in the State Department she hasn’t grabbed.”
When asked about Republican lawmakers lining up to withdraw their endorsements of Mr. Trump, Conway called them ‘pussies.’
“These establishment politicians are all just a bunch of pussies,” Conway said, as she massaged her crotch. “They’re all bunch of hypocrites because I know from working with them that they grab pussy any chance they get.
“I feel confident that our supporters will see through this attempt by the Clinton Campaign to divert attention from the things that really matter, like proving we never landed on the moon and exposing the conspiracy to cover up the Roswell Incident.
“So I say let’s not be distracted by a little pussy grabbing. After all, it’s what makes the world go round!”
Only a Donald Trump Presidency would be primed and at the ready 24/7 to counter the dangers of an unexpected weight increase by a beauty contestant, his campaign HQ said today.
Responding to criticism of Trump’s early morning Tweets about former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, staff said US Presidents needed to be ready to respond to national crises at any hour of the day.
“It’s 2:30 in the morning, there’s been another weight increase by a high profile Miss Universe. Who do you want to take the call?” a campaign spokesperson said.
“I mean, can we even trust that Hillary Clinton would be aware of the emergency?
“These things happen at short notice, sometimes totally out of the blue. And I would like to think that our Commander In Chief would be there to respond, not matter what time of day”.
Mr Trump has vowed to put an end to unsightly chubbiness in beauty contestants within his first 100 days in office.
Donald Trump alluded to how big his stamina was at the first Presidential debate. Now he has promised to show Americans the stamina in all of its glory at the next debate on 10 October.
“I have the biggest stamina you’ve seen. It’s a tremendous stamina, believe me,” Mr Trump said.
“Of course Hillary doesn’t have the look, she doesn’t have the stamina. And to be President of this country, you have to have a really big stamina. Even Obama – as much as I dislike him – at least has some sort of a stamina. Although it’s probably really small”.
Black people and Latinos are “living in hell,” Trump says. Time to tell Donald what our lives are really like
Despite mounting evidence to the contrary, Donald Trump has denied claims he was ever at last night’s Presidential debate in New York, in a stinging rebuke to journalists’ continued probing.
In an interview directly after the debate, Mr Trump rejected the idea that he was on the stage just minutes before. “It’s a lie. An outright lie. But that’s what we’ve come to expect from Hillary Clinton,” he said.
When one journalist asked Mr Trump to clarify his assertion in the debate that he had paid no tax in the past, the billionaire responded, “Well of course I didn’t say that. How could I? I wasn’t there. I never said that climate change was a Chinese conspiracy either, just in case you were going to ask that”.
Trump’s office later released a statement confirming that their candidate played no part in the debate. “These are just lies. If you believe you saw Donald Trump in the debate, you have mis-seen it”. They said Hillary was not at the debate either, but rather her body double.
As the first presidential debate approaches, Republican nominee Donald Trump has almost entirely avoided potentially critical and challenging interviews on the broadcast networks and the major cable news channels in favor of being lobbed softballs by his friends at Fox News.CNN senior media correspondent Brian Stelter noted this week that T
Saying he knew all the best things to do, a former host of Celebrity Apprentice today claimed he was uniquely positioned to take on the world’s terrorists.
“I’ve done these things. I know what to do. I’ve sat in the boardroom with the TV cameras on. I know what it means when that big red light is flashing,” the man said.
“I can read from a script. I can ad-lib. I can do both. I can look straight down the barrel of a camera. I can look away from the camera. I know how to build tension before a commercial break. None of the other candidates can. And that’s important, because people ask me, ‘How are we going to stop ISIS and the Mexicans?’ That’s what people are saying. That’s what I’m hearing. And it’s a good question.
Hanson reiterates comments from her factually-incorrect maiden speech when she said Australia was at risk of being ‘swamped by Muslims’
In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s recent health scare, and following ongoing pressure, Presidential candidate Donald Trump finally released his own health records today, and it makes for tremendous reading!
Here are some of the key details recorded by Mr Trump’s physician, described by Trump as “one of the very best in the industry, believe me”.
Where he’s getting a lot of questions about his stamina.
Ailes, the former Fox News chairman, was ousted last month from the network over charges of sexual harassment.
WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – While giving his acceptance speech as the GOP nominee Thursday night Donald Trump became confused and disoriented and thought he was running for president of Somalia.
During the 76 minute long horror fest, Trump described a dystopian hellscape that few people outside the arena recognized. The description of the country in which we live was so bleak and disturbing that many of the older delegates in the arena chose suicide rather than return to their districts.
Yelling like a warlord on khat, Trump told his audience of insecure, terrified white people that we are awash in a sea of random violence with illegal immigrants, terrorists, brown folks, black folks, yellow folks, red folks, Hillary Clinton, and Satan himself all posing an existential threat to the country.
Only the day after the speech was it revealed that the fluorescent rodent of a man had suffered a mild stroke on Wednesday night while watching Blackhawk Down so he could get in the mood for his big appearance.
“He still thinks he’s surrounded by black militants trying to kill us all,” said an aide on condition of anonymity. “The guy was never too bright to begin with. God knows how much damage was done to his small brain. This is gonna be a long three months, I can tell you that.”
Trump’s modus operandi is to lend his name to a project that others fund, but it’s not working in politics.
Ana Kasparian, Brett Erlich, Kenny Hamilton, & Meredith Planko | (Young Turks Video) | – – “FBI director, James Comey, …
In a live-streamed speech, the Vermont senator made it clear he is no longer actively challenging Clinton and that the goal is to ‘defeat Trump badly’
By Todd Gitlin | ( BillMoyers.com) | – – Dana Milbank’s June 6 article in The Washington Post was aptly …
Donald Trump will win the 2016 presidential election.
Never mind the doubters, Hillary Clinton has two weapons to attack Donald Trump with. 1) Barack Obama. 2) Her ability to surgically dissect his lack of foreign policy credentials.