Category: Humour

Morrison ‘Cried & Prayed’ For Asylum Seekers, Just Wished He Was In A Position To Do More – The Shovel

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told an event in Sydney that he ‘cried on his knees’ over the plight of children in Nauru, and just wished he was in a position to directly effect change.

“You think about these children and you pray, you cry, and you pray some more. But there’s only so much you can do. It’s frustrating because you feel so powerless,” Morrison said, asking the audience whether they knew anyone who worked in immigration.

“I can’t tell you the number of times I wished I had connections with a government minister or someone in the immigration department with some sort of influence over the situation’,” he said.

via Morrison ‘Cried & Prayed’ For Asylum Seekers, Just Wished He Was In A Position To Do More – The Shovel

Sky News Says Ross Cameron Failed To Meet Standards Of Racism Expected At Network – The Shovel

Rumour Andrew Bolt is taking Ross Cameron’s place because the ratings of the Outsiders are better than his Bolt Report and he want’s to call it his show with Rowan Dean. (ODT)

via Sky News Says Ross Cameron Failed To Meet Standards Of Racism Expected At Network – The Shovel

Scott Morrison Tells Us That The Bell Hasn’t Rung… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

It was strangely ironic when Scottie told us last Saturday, “we will stand up for what we believe until the bell rings – the bell hasn’t rung.”

It was ironic because I’d been thinking that if the current government was a boxing match, the referee would surely have stopped the fight. I mean, when you have one boxer staggering around, not sure who he’s fighting, it’s clearly time to get the doctors to check him…

Although, on that basis, Abbott would have been gone years ago.

The Liberals have lost one of their safest seats, but they conclude it was only because they removed Turnbull as PM and they did that when he called a spill after Peter Dutton was counting the numbers and threatening to challenge. Then, after losing, Dutton’s backers assured everybody that they had the numbers. However, owing to the Finance Minister’s inability to count, the Treasurer slipped by and emerged victorious. Turnbull then did as he promised and left Parliament, leaving an unwinnable by-election because the Liberals only held it by a margin of 17%, so you’d hardly expect that not to be down to Turnbull’s personal following. No, that’s the explanation and we don’t need to consider changing any policies because Wentworth is out of step because they’re all well-off and not like the rest of Australia. No, we don’t need to change any policies…

Scott Morrison Tells Us That The Bell Hasn’t Rung… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Get more bang for your democracy buck with a leadership challenge from Barnaby Joyce | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

When Barnaby says he isn’t after the leadership we believe him because politicians on this side always tell the truth about these things

 

via Get more bang for your democracy buck with a leadership challenge from Barnaby Joyce | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

If You Missed Scott Morrison’s Concession Speech – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Ok, I was watching Sky’s coverage of the election.

We cut from the winner’s speech to the Liberal event because the Prime Minister was speaking.

Just to be clear, that’s still Scott Morrison … Although it may be Peter Dutton by the time you read this …

Anyway, after telling us that the Liberals were angry – meaning the voters – he then said that the Liberals – meaning the party he leads – would win the next election because of what they believed. He then reminded us that there’ll be a fair go for those who have a go and the best form of welfare is a job and …

Yes, you get the idea. It was just the repetition of all the cliches that lost them the by-election. He then put his arm round Josh Frydenberg and left. Strangely, I thought of this:

via If You Missed Scott Morrison’s Concession Speech – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do? – The Beaverton

I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon specials: that cannabis is evil and even one puff will ruin your life forever. But I am torn because I also love wild, speculative investment. I own numerous cryptocurrencies, hundreds of beanie babies and 10% of MySpace.

via Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do? – The Beaverton

‘Are the US and Australia declaring climate war on all of Earth? You make it sound so final’ | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

After Australia cynically releases its catastrophic climate data the day before grand final weekend, Ian the Climate Denialist Potato holds a press conference

via ‘Are the US and Australia declaring climate war on all of Earth? You make it sound so final’ | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Scottie Morrison Was Right – The Banking Royal Commission Was A Waste Of Time! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Yep, the Royal Commission’s report will be completed but not fully released because the government will need time to digest it, look at the recommendations and get the election out the way before agreeing that the banks and others have already taken most of them on board, so legislation would just be expensive, unnecessary red-tape. Yep, it was the fault of ASIC for being asleep at the wheel.

So, all in all, if the public were silly enough to fall for the line in the sand argument again… Remember, Tony Abbott’s 2014 pronouncement that, after a few bad weeks, “Good government starts today!” or Turnbull’s suggestion that the government had lost its way but if he took over, it’d be a fresh start? We’re now up to Scott “third time lucky” Morrison telling us that everything’s back on track because he’s having a go. If the public were to buy the idea that things are ok now and re-elect the Coalition, the Royal Commission would have just been an expensive exercise which didn’t lead to any improvements in the financial sector and ScOMO would be proven right.

Although, these links make interesting reading when the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison/Dutton government try to lay the blame at ASIC’s feet:

via Scottie Morrison Was Right – The Banking Royal Commission Was A Waste Of Time! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Leave the ABC alone you miscreants, says Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Australia needs an opinionated seabird to come to the defence of the ABC because you people are so terrible at it

via Leave the ABC alone you miscreants, says Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Actually, Pauline, It’s Always Been Ok To Be White! Just Ask Tony… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

She wants the Senate to acknowledge: a) the deplorable rise of anti-white racism and attacks on Western civilisation b) It is okay to be white.

My solution would be to move a couple of simple amendments. For Part a), I would ask if the mover of the motion would object to the removal of the words “anti-white” and “Western” so that it read: the deplorable rise of racism and attacks on civilisation.

As for Tony Abbott

Oh, in breaking news, I understand the indigenous elders in the places he’s visiting have asked him to leave. I guess it’s because they don’t understand Western civilisation. When someone tries to impose their values on us, we generally do more than just ask them to leave. We insist that they learn our language and accept our values…

Right, I better stop here before I start speculating that Andrew Bolt will be the next Chairman of the ABC and the Liberal who reads my stuff and suggests it to the Cabinet will make that one a reality just like Malcolm and Scott becoming Prime Minister along with sundry other things.

via Actually, Pauline, It’s Always Been Ok To Be White! Just Ask Tony… – » The Australian Independent Media Network