Category: Humour

Get more bang for your democracy buck with a leadership challenge from Barnaby Joyce | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

When Barnaby says he isn’t after the leadership we believe him because politicians on this side always tell the truth about these things

 

via Get more bang for your democracy buck with a leadership challenge from Barnaby Joyce | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

If You Missed Scott Morrison’s Concession Speech – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Ok, I was watching Sky’s coverage of the election.

We cut from the winner’s speech to the Liberal event because the Prime Minister was speaking.

Just to be clear, that’s still Scott Morrison … Although it may be Peter Dutton by the time you read this …

Anyway, after telling us that the Liberals were angry – meaning the voters – he then said that the Liberals – meaning the party he leads – would win the next election because of what they believed. He then reminded us that there’ll be a fair go for those who have a go and the best form of welfare is a job and …

Yes, you get the idea. It was just the repetition of all the cliches that lost them the by-election. He then put his arm round Josh Frydenberg and left. Strangely, I thought of this:

via If You Missed Scott Morrison’s Concession Speech – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do? – The Beaverton

I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon specials: that cannabis is evil and even one puff will ruin your life forever. But I am torn because I also love wild, speculative investment. I own numerous cryptocurrencies, hundreds of beanie babies and 10% of MySpace.

via Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do? – The Beaverton

‘Are the US and Australia declaring climate war on all of Earth? You make it sound so final’ | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

After Australia cynically releases its catastrophic climate data the day before grand final weekend, Ian the Climate Denialist Potato holds a press conference

via ‘Are the US and Australia declaring climate war on all of Earth? You make it sound so final’ | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Scottie Morrison Was Right – The Banking Royal Commission Was A Waste Of Time! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Yep, the Royal Commission’s report will be completed but not fully released because the government will need time to digest it, look at the recommendations and get the election out the way before agreeing that the banks and others have already taken most of them on board, so legislation would just be expensive, unnecessary red-tape. Yep, it was the fault of ASIC for being asleep at the wheel.

So, all in all, if the public were silly enough to fall for the line in the sand argument again… Remember, Tony Abbott’s 2014 pronouncement that, after a few bad weeks, “Good government starts today!” or Turnbull’s suggestion that the government had lost its way but if he took over, it’d be a fresh start? We’re now up to Scott “third time lucky” Morrison telling us that everything’s back on track because he’s having a go. If the public were to buy the idea that things are ok now and re-elect the Coalition, the Royal Commission would have just been an expensive exercise which didn’t lead to any improvements in the financial sector and ScOMO would be proven right.

Although, these links make interesting reading when the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison/Dutton government try to lay the blame at ASIC’s feet:

via Scottie Morrison Was Right – The Banking Royal Commission Was A Waste Of Time! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Leave the ABC alone you miscreants, says Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Australia needs an opinionated seabird to come to the defence of the ABC because you people are so terrible at it

via Leave the ABC alone you miscreants, says Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Actually, Pauline, It’s Always Been Ok To Be White! Just Ask Tony… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

She wants the Senate to acknowledge: a) the deplorable rise of anti-white racism and attacks on Western civilisation b) It is okay to be white.

My solution would be to move a couple of simple amendments. For Part a), I would ask if the mover of the motion would object to the removal of the words “anti-white” and “Western” so that it read: the deplorable rise of racism and attacks on civilisation.

As for Tony Abbott

Oh, in breaking news, I understand the indigenous elders in the places he’s visiting have asked him to leave. I guess it’s because they don’t understand Western civilisation. When someone tries to impose their values on us, we generally do more than just ask them to leave. We insist that they learn our language and accept our values…

Right, I better stop here before I start speculating that Andrew Bolt will be the next Chairman of the ABC and the Liberal who reads my stuff and suggests it to the Cabinet will make that one a reality just like Malcolm and Scott becoming Prime Minister along with sundry other things.

via Actually, Pauline, It’s Always Been Ok To Be White! Just Ask Tony… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Adani To Go Announces Its Intention To Continue Announcing Deadlines… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

“Angus is bringing back a package of things right now to see how we can get greater investment in what I call fair dinkum power, that’s the stuff that works when the sun doesn’t shine and wind doesn’t blow.”

Personally I suspect that the day “the sun doesn’t shine” we’ll all be in a lot of trouble, but hey, I just love that they’re trying to get greater investment in “fair dinkum” power. Bloody bonza, mate. This is more important than a few sheilas being bullied, eh? God, if you can’t stand the heat, get back to the kitchen where youse belong.

Ok, that was just a little audition in case Scooter Morrison needs a speech writer. It’s a job I wouldn’t mind because – at my age – I don’t like taking on long-term jobs, prefering short term contracts.

via Adani To Go Announces Its Intention To Continue Announcing Deadlines… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

No Scott, we can’t just heal and move on – » The Australian Independent Media Network

“I’ve had Jones, Hadley, Bolt, Peta Credlin … insert name of right-wing commentator here … give me free character assessments basically for the past five years,” he said.

“And the last election campaign I think is the best example of what influence they actually have, if you are a shrewd marginal seat operator. It was an eight-week campaign where particularly Alan Jones would offer free character assessments that weren’t too complimentary on a daily basis. And when the state of NSW had a 5.1 per cent swing against (the Liberals) I had a 1.6 per cent to me.”

He said the broadcasters encouraged voters to contact him, with Mr Hadley publishing his official email address.

“I couldn’t thank him enough for that because what it does is it takes those fired-up people — a lot of times based on misinformation and that commentator’s personal opinion and a real personal dislike of me or Malcolm Turnbull — it makes that listener come to me,” Mr Laundy said. “I’ll ring them. I’ve done it thousands of times. And I read my own emails and reply, usually pretty quickly. And it shocks the living crap out of them,” he said.

I can personally confirm this. I emailed Mr Laundy asking him to back up claims he had made about convictions arising from the trade union royal commission. He responded with the details I had requested. And he was right – it shocked the living crap out of me to get a factual response, no obfuscation, from a Coalition MP.

There have been several Liberal party members suggesting that politics is no place for “snowflakes”, intimating that if you can’t cop intimidation then you aren’t up to the game.

Sadly, these people seem to think that being able to endure bullying is more important than being able to formulate, understand, and advocate for sensible policy direction. (Looking at you Craig Kelly for starters)

Political pundits will tell you that it has ever been thus.

Does that mean we should allow it to continue?

via No Scott, we can’t just heal and move on – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Josh Frydenberg Announces Leadership Challenge For Monday, Citing ‘Need For Change’ – The Shovel

 

via Josh Frydenberg Announces Leadership Challenge For Monday, Citing ‘Need For Change’ – The Shovel

http://www.theshovel.com.au/2018/08/24/dutton-moves-childcare-centres-to-nauru-to-avoid-any-conflict/

Breaking-bill-shorten-wins-liberal-leadership-spill/

/Turnbull-lists-nbn-as-his-proudest-achi/

 

Bob Katter, Fraser Anning roasted by John Oliver over ‘final solution’ speech

 

The horror show that is Australian politics remains the gift that keeps giving for comedian John Oliver – and this time he’s set his ire on embattled Queensland MP Bob Katter.

On Sunday’s episode of his US show Last Week Tonight, the late night host showed his viewers footage of Fraser Anning’s notorious maiden speech in parliament last week, in which the Katter Party senator called for a “final solution” to Muslim immigration.

“That is just not a phrase you want to throw around for pretty obvious reasons,” Oliver told his stunned audience.

“It’s the same reason that we don’t name babies Adolf anymore, or have tiny moustaches, or call yoga retreats ‘concentration camps’.”

via Bob Katter, Fraser Anning roasted by John Oliver over ‘final solution’ speech