Category: Humour

Tony Abbott? Peter Dutton? Who will lose their seat in election 2019? | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Tony Abbott? Peter Dutton? Who will lose their seat in election 2019?
First Dog on the Moon

via Tony Abbott? Peter Dutton? Who will lose their seat in election 2019? | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Who is the real victim? Ray Hadley? Pauline Hanson? News Corp’s invention will tell us | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

It’s actually the fault of snotty leftists and reverse racism (ODT)

Who is the real victim? Ray Hadley? Pauline Hanson? News Corp’s invention will tell us | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

We’re Looking For Australia’s Fiercest Fighter. Tell Us What You’re Training For To Win

Get Krack!n Sunrise

TV ‘Get Krack!n’ Is The Perfect Antidote To Trashfire Breakfast TV Like ‘Sunrise’ by Cameron Colwell 4 April 2019 Get Krack!n Sunrise The relentlessly cheerful, one-dimensional view of life offered by Australian morning television is one based on denial: denial of the reality of bodies, of bigotry, and of racism, and it’s a denial that is perfectly depicted by Get Krack!n, which has just finished its second and final season on ABC. Related I Decided To Review A Week’s Worth Of ‘Sunrise’ And Oh God What Have I Done The last few years have offered a number of examples of the aura of niceness slipping from breakfast TV’s mask to reveal the privilege and social division that is so often glossed over and simplified for the benefit of ratings. Karl Stefanovic used the t-slur on-air before offering a heartfelt apology (which led him to getting an award for being ‘a good ally’). Sunrise held a debate on whether or not Indigenous children should be removed from their parents. Yumi Stynes was hounded when she called out Kerri-Anne Kennerly’s racism during a discussion on Invasion Day. Get Krack!n’ perfectly satirises these moments by expertly mimicking the reality festering at the cor

We’re Looking For Australia’s Fiercest Fighter. Tell Us What You’re Training For To Win

New Book Reports Trump Cheats at Golf Literally All the Time

Illustration for article titled Trump Is a Legendary Cheater at the Dumbest Sport for Bad People

One of the worst things about every recent president is that they all play golf, the worst sport for bad people. Clinton played a lot of golf, Bush played a lot of golf, and Obama also played a lot of golf. Trump has also made himself famous for playing a ton of golf in office. Unlike the other guys (probably), what sets Trump apart is that he is well known as a massive golf cheat.

via New Book Reports Trump Cheats at Golf Literally All the Time

Good to hear One Nation doesn’t want our gun laws relaxed – it certainly sounded like it did | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Good to hear One Nation doesn’t want our gun laws relaxed – it certainly sounded

and

‘I’d like to meet them’: al-Jazeera says James Ashby wanted NRA trip

and

 

 

There is a crisis of Aboriginal children which would be on the front pages if they were white | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

via There is a crisis of Aboriginal children which would be on the front pages if they were white | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

All Options Are On The Table, But Clearly Not Scott Morrison Answering A Difficult Question! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

What a tangled web they weave (ODT)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s interview with Greg Hunt where he tells us that went on the record as saying that he never heard Scott Morrison express anti-Muslim views at a Cabinet meeting and the revelation that he wasn’t at the meeting only proves that he couldn’t possibly have heard anything that ScoMo said, before telling everyone that he’ll be available for speaking engagements in a couple of months… Or, if you like, he can twist balloons into whatever shape you want and entertain the kids because he’ll have a lot of time on his hands come post-election.

via All Options Are On The Table, But Clearly Not Scott Morrison Answering A Difficult Question! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Dear Tony – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Despite your image management – the macho man in red sluggos, the lycra-clad warrior, the hero with a hose, it is obvious to all except the gormless and callow that you are phoney, Tony. The staccato cackle, the clammy, tight-skinned visage of a carp wrapped in cling film, the sleazy smile, the ludicrous bow-legged affectation bringing to mind a rodeo cowboy leaving a port-a-loo; it’s all counter-productive Chuckle Head and subliminally reminds us of your ape-like swaggering approach to unsuspecting victims – the lunatic grin and manic chuckle, the far-too-close, double-handed deathgrip cutting off easy escape. We could read the minds of the hapless recipients of this faux chuminess, Tones, we could see it in their eyes – “Fuck, I want to turn away but if I do he may kiss the back of my head. But if I don’t he may go for the mouth.”

You’re King Midas in reverse, Tones – everything you touch turns to shit. For your own self-respect, it’s not too late, give it away.

Gratuitously yours

Grumpy Geezer

via Dear Tony – » The Australian Independent Media Network

USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background

LOS ANGELES—Following revelations about the actress’s alleged involvement in a college bribery scandal, University of Southern California officials told reporters Tuesday that Lori Loughlin’s daughter was admitted solely based on her socioeconomic background.

via USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background

The Liberal Party: It’s A Broad Church But It May Get Narrower! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

the forty something percent of people who still intend to vote for the Coalition fall into four categories:

Wealthy people who only care about themselves.
Those who are opposed to action on climate change because scientists are experts and you can’t trust experts which is also why they never listen to doctor’s advice and the fact that they’re still alive proves they don’t need to give up smoking and/or lose weight.
Those who are already gullible enough to believe that the Coalition has fixed the Budget (after the election, we’ll have a surplus, trust us) in spite of net debt doubling since they took office.
Those who are related to a Federal Coalition MP, those who work for one, or those who are carrying their illegitimate child. In some cases, a combination of two of the three, though not the first and last as far as I’m aware.

Now, I was quite staggered to read SmoGo’s attack on Bill Shorten for having the temerity to presume he’d win the election. Shorten had suggested that some of the recent Liberal appointments to diplomatic posts and other plum jobs would be looked at under a Labor government. This is outrageous and not just because it was totally unlike when the Liberals cancelled Steve Bracks consul-general appointment. This is an example of Labor presuming that they’d be the government.

via The Liberal Party: It’s A Broad Church But It May Get Narrower! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Leave John Howard Alone Or Character References Throughout History… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Poor John Howard is copping a lot of flak this week for his decision to write a character reference for convicted pedophile George Pell. Like a number of Pell’s referees, Howard suggested that Pell was a completely different man in private compared with his public Image. Actually, I thought that’s exactly what the trial had just decided.

via Leave John Howard Alone Or Character References Throughout History… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

“We Are Going To Need A Fuckload Of African Teenagers To Survive This One” Abbott Tells Bolt — The Betoota Advocate

The Member For Warringah has arrived at the high-hedges of Toorak this afternoon on a private jet, in an effort to defend his beloved Catholic Church.

This follows the lifting of a nationwide suppression order which has allowed media to report that Pell has been found guilty of sexually abusing two choirboys when he was archbishop of Melbourne.

As his re-election chances take another body blow today, former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has had to take control of the narrative now surrounding the himself and the God-fearing child abuse apologists in public office.

This comes after Scott Morrison failed in his attempts at consoling Abbott. with wise words related to similar accusations surrounding a former leader of his own church.

Instead, he’s had to take matters into his own hands. First stop, Andrew Bolt’s home office.

via “We Are Going To Need A Fuckload Of African Teenagers To Survive This One” Abbott Tells Bolt — The Betoota Advocate

Buying The Liberals On Interest-free Terms While Andrew Bolt Tells Us That Courts And Scientists Are Wrong! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Georgie Pell has been the victim of a gross miscarriage of justice! I know this because Andy Bolt told me. Andy Bolt knows this because this isn’t the first time that old Tiger Pell has been accused and he hasn’t been convicted before. As we all know if someone is accused of something more than once and it isn’t proved the first time, than it probably means that their innocent of all future charges.

There’s no way, of course, that our court system wouldn’t be biased against Pell. After all, he told us that climate change wasn’t real, so those scientists that are rigging the weather so it seems to be hotter are probably now extending their conspiracy to the judicial system. Yes, Bolt can declare Pell innocent even though he wasn’t in court and didn’t hear the evidence. It’s rather like his position on climate change. He doesn’t need a degree in climate science to know that it’s all a scam. In fact, Bolt doesn’t even have a degree in anything having dropped out of university.

Buying The Liberals On Interest-free Terms While Andrew Bolt Tells Us That Courts And Scientists Are Wrong! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Labor Votes For Something Most People Agree Is Right; Morrison Gets Bounce In Poll! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

 

I could go on. Free speech and 18C, leadership tensions,quotas… but then I’d just sound like I was in the Canberra bubble. So instead I’ll speculate on the Newspoll tomorrow.I predict that it will be interpreted as a great result for Scott Morrison even if it is moving closer to being the hundredth losing Newspoll for the Liberals. (Yes, we’ve still got a way to go, but I have faith that Scott will go a long way towards getting them there.) After all we’ve had the Cormann affair, Cash refusing to talk to the AFP, Paladin and other things that all make it hard for the Liberals to actually win one. In those circumstances, it’s amazing that Morrison is sitll doing so well. And the boats, we hardly mentioned the boats this week.This, we’ll be told, will be a close election.

TOMORROW’S MURDOCH HEADLINE: MORRISON STILL HAS LEAD OVER SHORTEN AS PREFERRED PM

via Labor Votes For Something Most People Agree Is Right; Morrison Gets Bounce In Poll! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Cormann Says He Calls Woolworths CEO Each Week To Do Grocery Shop – The Shovel

That’s the way you do it. Money for nothing and trips for free. Cormann in the crosshairs with Joe Hockey’s help a case of Insider Trading? (ODT)

Cormann Says He Calls Woolworths CEO Each Week To Do Grocery Shop – The Shovel