Category: Humour

Morrison: Drop Everything And Start Talking About Boats, Not Votes – » The Australian Independent Media Network

People have a tendency to expect history to repeat itself. Of course, it often does, but that doesn’t suit the point I’m making, so I’ll pretend I’m Tony Abbott and just ignore history so that I can make my point.

via Morrison: Drop Everything And Start Talking About Boats, Not Votes – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Asylum Seekers Forced To Share Accomodation With Dangerous People! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Australia told Trump “We Know Who They Are” Morrision says loudly “We Haven’t a Clue After 6 Years Please Help Us Anyway”  Busted lying like Abbott. (ODT)

For the past five and a half years, the Australian Government has been forcing asylum seekers to share accommodation with dangerous people. I know this because we’ve been told by our government. Some of these people who’ll be brought to Australia for treatment are rapists and murderers…

Actually, I think I may be quoting Donald Trump there. Actually, I think Matthias and Scottie and Christopher may be quoting the Trumpster… wonder when we’ll have a bill before Parliament asking for money so we can build a wall.

Asylum Seekers Forced To Share Accomodation With Dangerous People! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

So Why Wasn’t That Boat Turned Back? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

BOAT ARRIVES ON CHRISTMAS ISLAND

A boat of asylum seekers/illegal immigrants/rapists and murders (this depends on whether you read ABC/Murdoch/radio shock jocks) has landed on Christmas Island.

“This is on Bill Shorten’s head,” Peter Dutton announced to a waiting media, who watched the arrival from the beach on Christmas Island, after a tipoff that Michaelia Cash assured everyone wasn’t from her office. “We’ll need to open several thousand detention centres and give the contract to those two guys with an office on Kangaroo Island. They’ll probably need to charge at least a miillion dollars per illegal immigrant and that’s why the deficit has blown out again!”

Back in Canberra, Scott Morrison was asked if this meant that his border protection policies had failed. He replied that this was almost certainly Shorten’s fault, and whatever, “No information on boats got through under my watch, so if it was a stuff-up, it was on Dutton’s watch, and we know that even though he wasn’t as good as me and I’m PM, I’m still ambitious for him and we certainly agree that most important thing is that this is why Shorten must never be PM.”

via So Why Wasn’t That Boat Turned Back? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

If Labor Are Elected, There’s A Very Real Risk That Australia Will Tumble Into A Recession! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Personally, I don’t think that Independents should be allowed to be part of a “co-ordinated well-organised national campaign”. It’s unfair on the poor Liberals who haven’t been able to co-ordinate anything apart from their blue ties.

Cheers.

If Labor Are Elected, There’s A Very Real Risk That Australia Will Tumble Into A Recession! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Tony Abbott And The Unemployed Or Should We Congratulate Drug Dealers For Their Entrepreneurial Spirit? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Earlier this week, I was reminded of this conversation when I read a tweet from the Honorable Tony Abbott which said:

“People on unemployment benefits are supposed to be looking for work. Applying for one job a day is hardly unreasonable. These proposed changes show Labor is now the welfare class party not the working class one.”

Of course, this is one of those things- like harsher punishments for drug dealers – that sounds reasonable, untill you think abou it. People are meant to be looking for work and so applying for one job a day that’s a good thing, right?

Now let’s move it from the general to the particular. At various times over the past few years, I’ve been looking for work as a teacher. When I looked at the jobs available, there were sometimes jobs that I’m qualified for, but sometimes there weren’t. Using Abbott logic, should I apply for the Physics teacher job just so I’m applying for one job a day? Or should I just wait until there’s a suitable job?

I wonder if we all sent our resumes to Abbott’s office, asking whether he had any jobs available, whether he’d be so sure that one application a day was such a good idea.

via Tony Abbott And The Unemployed Or Should We Congratulate Drug Dealers For Their Entrepreneurial Spirit? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

HILARIOUS: Trump Declares Himself The Expert On Literally Everything | Crooks and Liars

HILARIOUS: Trump Declares Himself The Expert On Literally Everything

Donald Trump, without evidence or facts, declares himself an expert on everything. His actions, statements (and misstatements) and policy decisions show he is a Lying Liar McLiarPants.

via HILARIOUS: Trump Declares Himself The Expert On Literally Everything | Crooks and Liars

Hillary Launches Campaign To Raise $100 Million Or Else She’ll Run For President

CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a press conference announcing her plans for the 2020 election, Hillary Clinton told reporters she is launching a campaign Tuesday that will raise $100 million by the end of the year or else she will run for president. “I’m very excited to roll out my initiative to secure this full amount within seven weeks, and if it is not successful—let me be very…

via The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

Nation’s Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION—Persecuted and driven into hiding because of their beliefs, the nation’s oppressed Christians reportedly huddled in a secret underground bunker late Wednesday night to decorate and light a single withered Christmas shrub.
Continue Reading

via The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

Scott Morrison Becomes Longest Serving Prime Minister Since Malcolm Turnbull – The Shovel

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has now been in the top job for longer than anyone since Malcolm Turnbull left the role in August. It makes Morrison the second longest serving Prime Minister of all time this year.

Source: Scott Morrison Becomes Longest Serving Prime Minister Since Malcolm Turnbull – The Shovel