Tag: Truth in Humour
Quotes from the movie, Forrest Morrison: “Life is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re getting unless you look at the bottom of the box and then all the chocolates fall out.” – Scotty
”Listen, you promise me something, OK? Just if you’re ever in trouble, don’t be brave. You just run, OK? Just run away.” – Jenny
“I may not be a smart man, Jenny, but I know what polls are.” Scotty
”Run, Scotty, run!” Rupert Murdoch
”Stupid is as, stupid does.” Barnaby Joyce.
Ok, here’s a brief timeline of events in the vaccine rollout. August 2020: Scott Morrison announces that Australia has secured 25 million doses of the Oxford Astra-Zeneca vaccines and that it would mean “early access” for all Australians. The vaccines would be “as mandatory as you could possibly make it.”
Interviewer: Tonight, we have Mr Judas Iscariot who is speaking out in the hope that it will help others in a similar situation. Good evening, Mr Iscariot. Judas: Judas, please. Mr Iscariot is so formal. Interviewer: Why have you waited so long before speaking out? Judas: Well, as you know, I was kicked out of the Disciples and after that, I pretty much hit rock bottom. I had no friends and no place to stay. I was in a really dark place for a while but then I thought that I owed it to people to let them know the truth. Interviewer: Which is? Judas: Basically it was all Jesus’ fault. I mean, he knew what I was going to do and he pretty much gave me his blessing. He said that I should do what I had to quickly… And I did. These days there’s a lot of confusion about consent, but I think it’s pretty clear that he wasn’t objecting.
» article continues…
A Queensland politician who once fucked up the basic task of counting beyond forty, says members of parliament should be chosen on the basis of merit, not gender.
Anyway, the joke went like this: “One in three road accidents is caused by someone with alcohol in their system… This means that two-thirds of the accidents are caused by SOBER PEOPLE! Why don’t they get off the road and give the poor drunks a go?”
Desk Jobs And Numbers Aren’t Always Boring! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Ok, I think I got most of it. I’m writing it from memory so I may not have it one hundred percent accurate but like I said, I am auditioning for Peter Van Onselen’s role writing for “The Australian” so accuracy isn’t really needed… Whoops, is that defamatory? Or do you have to actually diminish someone’s reputation which PvO has already done that himself?
Scotty And Those Lucky Women… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
She said other countries paled by comparison. “In other countries they only get to spend five or ten minutes voting – they’re not engaged in the process at all”.
Man Lines Up For 11 Hours For Chance To Vote In Greatest Democracy On Earth | The Shovel
It should be obvious that it’s only thanks to me that we’re in this position and that she should show a little gratitude to me and ScoMo, but no, it’s all, blame, blame, blame. Why she even suggested that the budget was terrible for women over thirty five because they’d actually find it harder to get work after the youth subsidies. She completely overlooks that the infrastructure spending will mean that they have nicer roads to travel on while they look for work and all the promised mental health support if they can’t cope with not getting it. That’s the trouble with the left. They’re just never grateful.
It’s Clear My Wife Doesn’t Understand How Good Scott Morrison Is! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Donald Trump has been taken to hospital following a series of tests that confirmed he is an arsehole.
Trump Hospitalised After Testing Positive For Racism, Sexism, Bullying And Pathological Lying | The Shovel
Now, I know some of you will be pointing out that Morrison and his band of merry men aren’t one of those who’ve agreed to a pay freeze/reduction, but remember they’re all struggling on upwards of $200,000 a year and Josh hasn’t even announced the tax cut for people like that yet… Mm, if not receiving promised increases are cuts, should reducing the tax you pay in the future be considered a tax cut?
Scott Morrison Giving People The Ships! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
While Ms Herriford’s lemonade stand did make a profit last year, she wanted to be clear that she does have a loan owing to her mother worth $14 – around $439,999,986 less than the loans owed by the Trump Organisation.
Lemonade Stand Paid More Tax, Made More Profit, Than All Of Donald Trump’s Businesses Combined | The Shovel
I just want to sit in a cafe drinking an entire coffee in the actual cafe I bought the coffee in
Welcome back to the world Melbourne (almost sort of hang in there!) | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian
Although the gods do seem to starting to say that it’s about time your luck ran out, Mr Morrison. Big announcement on vaccines, then a few days later the trial is halted. Ok, it’s always likely that there could be a glitch and that there needs to be a pause in a medical trial. That’s why it takes so long to get a new drug or vaccine on the market. I’m just amused that the timing was so soon after the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Usually the Liberals make the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT and it’s some months later when we discover that only $27.38 was spent out of the $2 billion announced owing to people not filling in the application form before the due date which was two days before the form was released to the public.
Tim Smith Is Paid A Lot More Than Me And His Achievements Are Abusive Tweets… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Aged Care Minister Richard Colbeck says he is confused by the growing number of people who seem to think he should be in some way accountable for issues relating to aged care.
Aged Care Minister Wondering Why People Keep Thinking He’s Responsible For Aged Care | The Shovel
Saying they had warned Australians all along that this would happen if a Labor Government was voted in, Josh Frydenberg and Scott Morrison have confirmed that Australia has gone into a recession for the first time in 30 years.
‘We told you Labor would wreck the economy’, Frydenberg says, announcing Australia officially in recession | The Shovel
An overwhelming proportion of scientists now accept that Liberal MP Craig Kelly is a fucking idiot, new analysis shows.
Clear Link Between Craig Kelly And Total Fucking Stupidity, Scientists Claim | The Shovel
Yes, it’s just a few weeks ago that Josh and Scott were telling us that Labor handn’t delivered a surplus since last century, but if you want to go back through history, it’s worth remembering that the only Liberal Treasurer to deliver a surplus in the last forty years is Peter Costello, who did it during the mining boom. Let’s not even point out his selling off of assets like our gold reserves for bargain prices.
I’ll just leave you with one final thought as we approach Anzac Day: Conservatives seem to have an obsession with everyone remembering what happened over a century ago , while demanding we all forget what happened last week!
So, maybe Scottie could go on television, and explain away my concerns. Or maybe he really has been struck down and is being kept in quarantine.
Nah, surely we’d be told.
![Screenshot_2020-03-08 It just keeps going and going the weird, mean things the Morrison government has got into First Dog o[...].png](https://peterimrich.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/screenshot_2020-03-08-it-just-keeps-going-and-going-the-weird-mean-things-the-morrison-government-has-got-into-first-dog-o....png)
via 
Of course when I say that the Australian Federal Police found no evidence of the existence of Malcolm Roberts, I have to be fair and point out that they didn’t look for any. As with the Angus Taylor case, they saw no need to waste valuable resources when there was very little likelihood of finding any evidence. And there was obvioulsy almost no chance of finding any evidence because they weren’t going to look.
via AFP Finds No Evidence That Malcolm Roberts Exists – » The Australian Independent Media Network
P.S. On Sunday night, the ABC ran David Attenborough’s “Climate Change; The Facts”. I understand, that there has been some backlash because they didn’t balance this by presenting non-facts. Malcolm Roberts is said to be ropable and is planning to write to the ABC management just as soons as he learns his other lettters.
via Nigel Farrage Or What’s A Conservative Anyway? – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Kelly Anne Conway’s Husband George
via George Conway Calls On Trump To Resign: ‘Incompetence Is Staggering’ | Crooks and Liars
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—In the hours following a violent rampage in Virginia in which a lone attacker killed 12 individuals and injured four others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Michigan resident Mark Butler, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”
via ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
Of course, I did delete a certain senior politician’s name from a recent piece that I wrote. Apparently, the PM’s office got all hot and bothered when Waleed Aly suggested in a response to Christchurch something that was widely reported in 2011 and threatened defamation action.
A rather interesting response, given Scott didn’t threaten to react so litigously when it was reported way back in 2011. I guess it was different then. It wasn’t being said by a Muslim.
Despite your image management – the macho man in red sluggos, the lycra-clad warrior, the hero with a hose, it is obvious to all except the gormless and callow that you are phoney, Tony. The staccato cackle, the clammy, tight-skinned visage of a carp wrapped in cling film, the sleazy smile, the ludicrous bow-legged affectation bringing to mind a rodeo cowboy leaving a port-a-loo; it’s all counter-productive Chuckle Head and subliminally reminds us of your ape-like swaggering approach to unsuspecting victims – the lunatic grin and manic chuckle, the far-too-close, double-handed deathgrip cutting off easy escape. We could read the minds of the hapless recipients of this faux chuminess, Tones, we could see it in their eyes – “Fuck, I want to turn away but if I do he may kiss the back of my head. But if I don’t he may go for the mouth.”
You’re King Midas in reverse, Tones – everything you touch turns to shit. For your own self-respect, it’s not too late, give it away.
Gratuitously yours
Grumpy Geezer
Anger and outrage just feeds the publicity machine which sets an agenda of “us” and ”them”. It’s hard not to be angry, but it’s what the terrorists want. Anger stops us thinking.
And, if you don’t believe that’s bad, just take a long hard look at Fraser!
via Fraser Anning Is A Human Being! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
