Tag Archives: first dog

Fiona the Unemployed Bettong visits Centrelink to discuss her debt notice | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

This is the ongoing war on the poor! It’s well past time that people understood what is happening here and that it isn’t going to be fixed by politicians Source: Fiona the Unemployed Bettong visits Centrelink to discuss her debt … Continue reading

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Thoughtful Christmas messages from prominent Australians, brought to you by First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Please enjoy these season’s greetings from Peter Dutton, Fiona the Unemployed Bettong, Ian the Climate Denialist Potato, Stiff Buttlint, Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin and rescue dogs, Roy and Beyonce Source: Thoughtful Christmas messages from prominent Australians, brought to you … Continue reading

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Even raisin toast is racist in Australia! First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Modern Australia’s story began with the murder of Aboriginal people. That’s quite a racist thing to do and the Europeans did it as racistly as possible Source: Even raisin toast is racist in Australia! First Dog on the Moon | … Continue reading

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Is Tony Abbott really coming back? To save Australia? | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Tony was bravely representing the voters of Warringah by speaking at a Tory party conference in the motherland when he let slip he wanted another crack at being PM. Here are just a few of the things we need him … Continue reading

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Whitesplaining whitesplained by First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Tonight, at the Bitter Frightened Angry Old White Man Show, Aboriginal Australians and whose fault it is, with News Corp columnists and a senator Source: Whitesplaining whitesplained by First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

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First Dog on the Moon reads George Brandis’s diaries | Opinion | The Guardian

Dear Diary, people seem to think I am some sort of monster. As I said to the prime minister, if you prick me do I not bleed? He said he thought it might be pastry cream Source: First Dog on … Continue reading

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A piece of string, a banana, and a cassowary walk into Scott Morrison’s bar | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

In Scott’s bar and grill, we serve everyone except pieces of string and poor people, or as we call them now, the “taxed-not” Source: A piece of string, a banana, and a cassowary walk into Scott Morrison’s bar | First … Continue reading

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Whitesplaining whitesplained by First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Tonight, at the Bitter Frightened Angry Old White Man Show, Aboriginal Australians and whose fault it is, with News Corp columnists and a senator Source: Whitesplaining whitesplained by First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

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After the Nauru leaks, Australia needs its own incident report | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

From the Nauru files: Nauru Regional Processing Centre Incident or Information Report. Names redacted Source: After the Nauru leaks, Australia needs its own incident report | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

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At home with the racist carrot during Reconciliation Week | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

It’s cleaning day! I shall make a cup of white tea and see what the race traitors at Radio National are up to while I do the chores Source: At home with the racist carrot during Reconciliation Week | First … Continue reading

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Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin loses her mind over the Great Barrier Reef | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Every reference to the Great Barrier Reef was removed from a UN report on the impact of climate change on tourism and World Heritage sites after ‘intervention’ from the Australian government. What is going on? Source: Brenda the Civil Disobedience … Continue reading

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We have an old saying in the dog-whistle business … | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Today we take a behind-the-scenes look at the infamous yet mysterious electoral campaign management consultancy known only as Prehistoric Death Birds Inc Source: We have an old saying in the dog-whistle business … | First Dog on the Moon | … Continue reading

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Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin’s plan for Peter Dutton: Operation Do-gooder! | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Brenda explained the plan. They crowdfund a flotilla of actual boats to sail to Nauru and then to Manus Island to pick up all the illiterate asylum seekers Source: Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin’s plan for Peter Dutton: Operation Do-gooder! … Continue reading

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An open letter to the asylum seekers on Manus and Nauru from First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

My dear friends, I am writing this because I want to say … We are sorry that when you needed us, instead of helping we threw you into hell Source: An open letter to the asylum seekers on Manus and … Continue reading

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Tonight on 60 Minutes we present a story so shocking you will be really really shocked We have discovered that rather than doing research to track down a story, the best way to get a story is to pay someone to commit a crime and then report on that!

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Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin: ‘The Great Barrier Reef is dying! What is wrong with you people?’ Why aren’t Australians more freaked out about what is happening to the Great Barrier Reef? Why aren’t they treating this as a national disastermergecy? Call in the army! No wait, the navy!

Source: Edit Post ‹ olddogthoughts — WordPress.com

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Truckies and you – what every Australian should know! Truck scientists have inconveniently proven that there is a direct link between what drivers get paid and safety

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Welcome to Chaste Schools! Decent churchy folk are back in charge of our children’s minds Congratulations Australia! The safety of our tiny children is no longer in the well-moisturised hands of all those culturally marxist translesbigaybian atheists

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Surely we have to take some responsibility for electing this giant man baby? Follow our handy psychografic flowquizchart-o-gram to find out if you are personally to blame for the downfall of the Tony government

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Why should Tony Abbott have all the fun? Subterfuge is a game the whole family can play Tony Abbott said, ‘There will be no wrecking, no undermining, and no sniping.’ Until now! Play our fun new game where the whole family can undermine the prime minister

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home australia world opinion selected sport football tech culture lifestyle fashion economy travel media environment browse all sections Australian politics Opinion Senate voting reforms sort of explained – by First Dog on the Moon Sadly, the voting reforms will mean no more Ricky Muirs, which is a pity because he seems like a nice sensible fellow, but is that a basis for a system of government?

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Same sex marriage! Sharia law! Easter Bunny arrested! Coming to an Australia near you The Australian Christian Lobby is bravely requesting that during the marriage equality plebiscite, anti-vilification laws are suspended to enable a mature and robust debate. It’s so no one gets in trouble if they reasonably say lesbians are poisonous

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Greg Hunt. Best. Minister. Ever Good evening and welcome to the Madeuppys, the World Government Summit Awards. We cross now to the minister’s acceptance speech …

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First Dog on the Moon’s list of ways in which Malcolm Turnbull has disappointed us ‘Elected’ on a platform of not being Tony Abbott, the Turnbull era has been characterised by … well, not a lot, really. After the initial relief, it’s all been a bit of a let-down

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The Daily Rupert gets the scoop on Tony Abbott’s Still Feeling Threatened World Tour Tony Abbott is in the USA speaking to various hate groups on how to meet the terrifying threat of Isis/homosexuals. News Corp columnist Clancy Dackbulge has the story

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First Dog on the Moon’s guide to solving Clive Palmer and fixing democracy From humble beginnings as a mining magnate and life member of the Queensland Liberal National party twice, Clive Palmer has done and said a lot of things, most of which are contradictory and don’t make sense

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Would you like to try these delicious racist snacks with your Australia Day barbie? Thanks for coming! Are you hungry? We baked this Australia flag cake. It’s a traditional recipe using flour laced with arsenic

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And now for the Border Force awards, celebrating cruelty, obfuscation and neglect The First Dog on the Moon Institute proudly presents the Predatory Excellence Medal, the Abyan, the Valorous Dutton Button and more!

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Is it sexist against men? First Dog moonsplains sexism. If you look at recent incidents of sexism in isolation, you shouldn’t Imagine each incident is one sexist profiterole which can be made into an enormous patriarchal croquembouche

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Afraid of guns? Buy more guns! The circle of life in America The first female president of the USA might actually get something done about gun control. Unless Donald Trump wins, then everyone really will need a gun

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Can First Dog on the Moon save Canberra from Post Tony Stress Disorder? The honeymoon is over and Malcolm Turnbull’s gloss is wearing off. But even if underneath he is made of asbestos, he still will not be Tony Abbott

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First Dog on the Moon’s handy guide to the difference between Uber and taxis One hands out mints, but also knows your name, address and mobile number. The other allows you to run away without paying. Which do you choose?

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Melbourne Cup 2015: a heartwarming, rags to riches rollicking horsey tale While Michelle Payne’s victory is a great story, horse racing is a cruel sport for greedy idiots. What is a cartoonist to do?

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Malcolm Turnbull is everything Australia ever wanted A hush fell across Australia … everyone was relaxed and comfortable at last. The years of political bloodbaths were over

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Pack my shirtfront, and don’t forget the onions! Tony Abbott goes to Great Britain A tide of humanity is sweeping Europe and only one man can stop them: the recently-deposed Australian prime minister

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Free speech champion Biff Bootface in: ‘Mystery on Guano Island’ Grit, bravery and journalistic integrity land Biff Bootface, senior culture war correspondent for the National Standard, his toughest assignment yet

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Was Joe Hockey a well-meaning bumbler or a sadistic pompous braggart? On Wednesday, Australia farewelled one of the [fill in the blank] of Australian politics. Does anybody care?

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‘I was raped on Nauru I have been very sick. Please help me’ Abyan, a Somali refugee woman raped on Nauru, said in a statement she ‘never saw a doctor’ before being secretly returned by plane

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Doctor, I love you. And I want to get the kiddies out of immigration detention Love in the Time of Indefinite Detention – starring Primrose Sprinkles as Dr Guinevere Bravely-Friande and Lance Fudbuggler as token love interest Nurse Hottington

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The Trans-Pacific partnership will shut down all your kitten hospitals It’s hard to get people angry about a secret and incredibly boring trade agreement so here’s the truth: it will let corporations kill and eat us all

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Who needs a UN special rapporteur when we have Transfield’s incident reporting protocol? The impact of the Border Force Act is greatly overstated. Transfield encourages all employees to report abuse. They can write their concerns on a rock, for example

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Ahmed Mohamed: it’s a clock with a built-in racism detector I think we have all learnt an important lesson from this situation which is that ‘brown’ people with aspirations are dangerous

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Confused about the Canning byelection? Read on to become more confused The future of Australia depends on the Canning by-election. Let Guardian Australia’s resident marsupial psephologist First Dog on the Moon explain why

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Citizens of Melbourne, Border Force is concerned for your safety Border Force can assure you, fear is a great motivator. Ask anyone on a 46% rating in the polls. Wait, did we say that out loud?

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Joe Hockey’s budget emergency, brought to you by playdough and an old shoe box Joe Hockey spoke some words today. Some people appeared to be listening, others not so much

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Lawyer up! Greenies are here to vigilante your coal mine into oblivion! A hemp-flavoured coalition of lawyers, activists and seabirds has successfully seen off Adani’s humongous coal mine on a minor technicality called ‘the law’

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You’re invited to our nefarious party fundraiser. Dress code: raccoon Who has time to read invitations or diaries these days with all the royal commissions and important speeches taking up our time?

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A plebiscite on issues including same-sex marriage, tax reform, jeggings In response to the deadlock over same-sex marriage, the Tony government may (or may not) hold a plebiscite, after which they might possibly, perhaps (but likely not) change their position

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Settle down, backbenchers! You all know polls are just numbers, right? What do we do when we’re faced with numbers we don’t like? This is the Tony government: we just pretend they don’t exist or say something different

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A presentation on Bronwyn Bishop’s legacy from Fiona the Unemployed Bettong : Bronwyn Bishop, your final gift to the nation is to bring the already degraded institution of parliament into further disrepute. (Is this a bit over the top?)

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