It is wrong to blame Tony Abbott for the state of the nation. After all, he is hardly a charismatic leader who inspires allegiance. He is far from an accomplished orator who convinces us to follow him. He doesn’t even know where he is going let alone showing us the direction. So how did we…
Source: Don’t blame Tony, he is a symptom of greed – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Saturday 
29 August 1 I have reluctantly taken the decision to no longer refer to Tony Abbott as “Prime Minister” in my writing. I say reluctant because I generally believe in respect for the position itself. However the performance of this excuse for a national leader is so appallingly bad that I refuse to acknowledge…
Source: My Thoughts on the Week That Was – » The Australian Independent Media Network
ATLANTA – (CT&P) – After the latest in a string of fiascos perpetrated by the DeKalb County Burglary Response Unit, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation has recommended that the unit be completely revamped and manned with new personnel who are actually able to differentiate their asses from holes in the ground.
The decision was made to reorganize the unit after three officers decided to storm a dwelling near downtown Atlanta on Monday like members of Seal Team 6 attacking an Afghan village.
Georgia Bureau of Investigation officials said DeKalb County Police Department received a report of a suspicious person Monday night in a southeast Atlanta neighborhood where many of the single-story homes look similar.
“All the houses down there have roofs and front doors,” said Lieutenant Martin Chowderhead of DeKalb County’s Ass Covering Unit. “It can be very confusing.”
Three officers arrived at the residence and attempted to contact any occupants in the home. When no contact was made, the officers went to the back of the home and gained entry to it through a screened porch. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation said police went through a “reportedly unlocked door.”
Upon entry, the officers encountered a dog.
Following their training as police officers, the two officers fired without hesitation at the approach of a living mammal. No thought was given that a burglarized home would probably not contain a fucking live barking dog. The animal was killed almost instantly in hail of gunfire, but the cops’ blood lust was not quite quenched.
When the owner of the home appeared to find out who had murdered his family pet, the officers let fly with another volley, shooting the innocent man in the leg and wounding one of their own in the abdomen.
In a statement, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation said, “Early investigation indicates that the injured officer was likely shot accidentally by one of the other officers on the scene, who were firing wildly at anything that fucking moved.”
The injured officer, who was taken to the hospital, is in “serious but stable condition,” said Steven Fore, a DeKalb County Police spokesman. The officer “lost a lot of blood” Monday, but will likely survive to be awarded the DeKalb County Medal of Valor for Courage in the Face of Unarmed Civilians, said Cedric Alexander, DeKalb County’s public safety director.
However, GBI spokesman Scott Dutton said it was too early in the investigation to determine exactly who fired the gunshots. Dutton said he did not know whether anyone in the home was armed beside the police officers, and just because no firearms were found in the home or within a one mile radius of the site that did not mean that some crafty undocumented worker from Mexico or even a space alien could have been involved.
GBI officials said there is no evidence the residents had committed any crimes in their entire fucking lives and were watching television when the Burglary Squad swooped in on them like Force 10 from Naverone.
The homeowner, who was shot in his leg, was treated at a hospital and released. His name was not released and he declined to comment, because he intends to sue the fuck out of DeKalb County.
DeKalb County Police asked its friends at the Georgia Bureau of Investigation to take over the investigation into the incident so it would appear to the public that a higher authority was actually doing something constructive to protect the citizens of DeKalb from brain-damaged, trigger happy police officers.
In a statement released Tuesday, the bureau said after the investigation is completed, “it will be turned over to the district attorney for any action the district attorney deems appropriate.”
The three officers who perpetrated the debacle, Officer Mike Dimbulb, Officer Titus Dullard, and Sergeant Billy Joe Numbnuts were reassigned to desk duty while the investigation is active.
Officer Fore told 11 Dead or Alive News that Chief Cedric Alexander originally wanted to assign the nitwits to janitorial duties for two weeks as punishment for leaving living witnesses to the giant clusterfuck. However, several mid level personnel who personally know the officers in question expressed concern that they would create an environmental disaster if given access to harsh cleaning chemicals.
The shooting happened in a neighborhood about 5 miles from downtown Atlanta, which is normally a safe area unless you happen to be an unarmed black male minding your own fucking business.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (CT&P) –CNN is amending the criteria for its Republican presidential debate in September, opening the door for Carly Fiorina to join the other top-tier candidates on the stage.
The cause: a lack of national public polling following the August 6 debate has so far provided only three new polls to determine the lineup for the Reagan Presidential Debate, according to a CNN statement. CNN also expressed the desire to place Fiorina on stage “because she is a woman and women deserve an equal chance to look stupid on national television, just like the men.”
As a result, CNN reevaluated its criteria and decided to add a provision that better reflects the state of the race since the first Republican presidential debate in August, the network announced Tuesday.
Now, any candidate who ranks in the top 10 in polling between August 7 and September 10 will be included.
The adjustment may result in additional candidates joining the top-tier debate, but the final podium placements will not be known until the eligibility window closes on September 10.
RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, who was named after a rare urinary tract disorder, called a press conference and said the GOP was pleased with the decision.
“We are delighted that Carly will be given the opportunity to look like an idiot along with all the other clowns we have running in 2016,” said Priebus.
“Now we have a real businesswoman in the mix who knows how to fire thousands of people and wreck a tech company while at the same time negotiating a golden parachute for herself. She really knows how to exploit and deceive the weak, and that’s always a plus with a Republican candidate.
“I think she’ll make an excellent addition to our group of religious kooks, conspiracy theorists, doofuses, and power mad megalomaniacs that are currently leading the field.”
The debate will air in prime time on CNN on September 16th.
Don’t sack Hockey. After all, it’s his slip-of-the-truth lines that give us a glimpse of the Government’s real agenda: only the rich and powerful matter.
Source: Joe Hockey’s unscripted moments of truth reveal what the Government really thinks
ATLANTA – (CT&P) – During an appearance on CNN this afternoon, God told Wolf Blitzer that he had decided to send Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis to jail for a while to “get her mind right.”
Davis, the Kentucky clerk who has defied the Supreme Court and steadfastly refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was led away in handcuffs after a hearing before Judge David L. Bunning of Federal District Court. The contempt finding was another legal defeat for Ms. Davis, who argues that she should not be forced to issue licenses that conflict with her religious beliefs.
“The court cannot condone the willful disobedience of its lawfully issued order,” said Judge Bunning, who was appointed by President George W. Bush. “If you give people the opportunity to choose which orders they follow, that’s what potentially causes problems.”
God told Blitzer that he worked through Judge Bunning to deliver his punishment for Davis, who resembles a long-haired bovine one might see in the Highlands of Scotland.
“As you know Wolf, despite being an all-powerful being, I prefer to work in mysterious ways so no one really knows whether I exist or not,” said God.”Most of the time I just choose the appropriate mammal on the scene and have them do my bidding. Today was Judge Bunning’s turn to do my dirty work.”
God explained that despite many opportunities to do the right thing, Davis insisted on acting like a stupid, bigoted, pompous ass bitch who had no respect for the rule of law.
“I clearly stated in Romans 13 that ‘Let every person be subject to the governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.’”
“Now someone like Kim Davis, who claims to have such reverence for my word, should have known better than to defy authority like she did. She can just sit her fat ass in jail til she comes around to my way of thinking. Hopefully while she’s there she’ll get some of that hideous hair cut off her head. I mean Jesus!”
God did not specify how long Davis will be jailed, but he did say that he had plans to work through several female Rowan County inmates to educate Davis on the subject of same-sex relationships.
Immigration Minister Peter Dutton is becoming increasingly suspicious that he may be doing whatever it takes to bring down the Government.
“Day after day I am saying things that make the Government look ridiculous. It’s relentless – it does feel like this is part of some sort of concerted effort. Even now I’m sounding like an absolute clown,” Mr Dutton said this morning.
“I’m not one to jump to conclusions or get involved in conspiracy theories, but it does make you wonder – is this all part of an orchestrated campaign?”
Mr Dutton repeated his claims from earlier in the week that the media had become hysterical. “Parts of the media are tending towards hyperbole. It’s turned into a bit of a jihad really”.
EU countries with more favourable asylum seeker regimes are attracting more migrants and sparking divisions among bloc members.
European nations are tightening their borders, shutting down trains and ramping up rhetoric to stop a surge of refugees. But myths about the European tide are misleading policy makers about how bad the crisis is and why it’s happening – and that could have deadly consequences for asylum seekers
Source: Europe’s migrant crisis: Eight reasons why it’s not what you think – The Globe and Mail
The government’s policy would be a terrible model for other prosperous countries facing huge numbers of people fleeing wars and persecution.
Source: Australia’s Brutal Treatment of Migrants – The New York Times
On Tuesday, the Center for Medical Progress—an anti-abortion group that has little to do with actual medicine—released the eighth in its series of undercover videos purporting to show that Planned Parenthood officials have profited from illegal sales of fetal tissue.
Source: Forensic Analysis Shows the Real Planned Parenthood Scandal Is the Videos Themselves | The Nation
Rapper Ice Cube speaks to 7.30 about racial tensions in the US and controversial new NWA biopic Straight Outta Compton.
Australia’s trade position has collapsed dramatically with the June quarter current account deficit blowing out 41 per cent to $19 billion.
Russia didn’t want a new Cold War. The myth of a “revanchist Russia” is convenient spin. The real issue is American interventionism.
Source: American, not Russian, aggression is the real problem — RT Op-Edge
Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has escalated his criticism of media outlets he says are waging a “jihad” against the government, describing the response to an aborted Australian Border Force operation in Melbourne as “hysterical” and ideologically driven.
Source: Peter Dutton renews attack on ‘hysterical’, ‘ideological’ media
LEXINGTON, KY – (CT&P) – The Kentucky county clerk facing potentially stiff penalties for refusing to issue same-sex marriage licenses has been married four times, raising questions of hypocrisy and selective application of the Bible to her life.
The marriages are documented in court records obtained by U.S. News, which show that Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis divorced three times, first in 1994, then 2006 and again in 2008.
She gave birth to twins five months after divorcing her first husband. They were fathered by her third husband but adopted by her second. Davis worked at the clerk’s office at the time of each divorce and has since remarried.
Davis has described her desire to strictly adhere to the Bible in stark terms and thus far has shown no sign of bending to court orders on same-sex marriage. She said Tuesday she fears going to hell for violating “a central teaching” of the Bible if she complies with the orders.
Davis’ struggle to exempt herself from the Supreme Court’s June decision legalizing same-sex marriage has excited some Christian conservatives but legally has proven futile: The Supreme Court refused her request Monday that the justices intervene, and a federal judge will decide Thursday whether to hold her in contempt or sentence her to be stoned to death for the whore that she is in accordance with the biblical law that she holds so dear.
Davis did not respond to an emailed request for comment, and her office’s phone line was busy throughout the day Tuesday.
The leader of the organization providing her legal representation, Mat Staver of Liberty Counsel, says he’s not sure precisely how many husbands Davis has had, or how many men she has picked up in sleazy bars and brought back to her trailer.
“I know she was married more than once – I’ve heard three times,” said Staver. “It’s a matter of fact that she’s been married multiple times. It’s also a matter of fact that this woman fucks like a rabbit. If it’s hot and hollow, she’s on it like white on rice.
Staver says “it’s not really relevant, it’s something that happened in her past-what’s really relevant here is the fact that there were four guys desperate enough to want to marry this cow. She has the IQ of a turnip and is about as attractive as a rattlesnake. Given the choice of her or celibacy, I can tell you I’m going for abstinence.”
Stavers said that according to the Bible her conversion to Christianity about four years ago wiped her slate clean. “Her past habits of jumping from bed to bed and reproducing like some kind of rodent is something that’s not relevant to the issue at hand,” he said.
“Mrs. Davis leads a godly lifestyle now centered around telling strangers how they should live their life and who they should sleep with. Since she’s been born again, she can be an odious, repellent, bigoted bitch during the week and be forgiven on Sunday. It’s a great system.”
If Davis is not sentenced to die, pundits predict that she will be removed from her post and be forced to seek new employment. Staver told Sean Hannity, a Fox News tumor and big fan of vile and disgusting individuals, that people should not worry about Davis because she currently has job offers from Chick-fil-A, Hobby Lobby, and the Taliban.
Australia’s peak Jewish group has rounded on Prime Minister Tony Abbott for suggesting Islamic State are worse than the Nazis.
Source: Jewish backlash after Tony Abbott says Islamic State terrorists are worse than the Nazis
Editorial: Angela Merkel has faced up to how a humanitarian emergency is threatening a continent’s defining values. The rest of Europe should pay attention, and follow suit
Europe is buckling under the weight of hundreds of thousands of African and Middle Eastern refugees trying to get into the EU. The Keleti train station in Budapest shut down Tuesday due to the number of migrants trying to get from Hungary to Germany; in late August, 71 refugees were found dead after suffocating in a refrigerated truck in Austria. Germany, meanwhile, is expecting 800,000 refugee arrivals this year.In response to the crisis, the tiny island nation of Iceland has only offered the smallest amount of aid, agreeing to take in a mere 50 Syrian refugees. That wasn’t nearly enough for popular Icelandic children’s book author Bryndís Björgvinsdóttir. She launched a Facebook campaign that asked her fellow countrymen and women to open up their homes and urge the government to do more, The Telegraph reports. In 24 hours, more than 10,000 Icelanders had offered their homes for refugees to stay in. Keep in mind that Iceland’s entire population is less than 330,000.”I think people have had enough of seeing news stories from the Mediterranean and refugee camps of dying people and they want something done now,” Björgvinsdóttir told Icelandic public television RUV in response to the overwhelming support.That seems to be true. “I’m a single mother with a 6-year-old son…We can take a child in need. I’m a teacher and would teach the child to speak, read, and write Icelandic, and adjust to Icelandic society,” one Facebook user wrote. “We have clothes, a bed, toys, and everything a child needs. I would of course pay for the airplane ticket.”The Icelandic government is now looking into how to accept more refugees. Whatever they decide, this much is for sure: The migrants they take in will have a warm welcome waiting for them. Jeva Lange
Cambodia says it has ‘no plans’ to take more Nauru refugees, but Tony Abbott and Julie Bishop insist Australia has secured ‘important agreement’
Source: Cambodia deal doomed after just four Nauru refugees resettled for $55m | World news | The Guardian
Tony Abbott has been in power since 7 September 2013. From that moment, he and his government have broken promises and hurt Australians. This post will be regularly updated to keep track of the Abbott Government’s broken promises and everything his Government does to hurt Australians. Each separate item will have a link to…
Source: Tracking Abbott’s Record ”August” Update – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Quarterly growth figure is half the expected rate, dragged down by reduced mining and construction activity and export woes
Source: Jitters as Australian economy grows by just 0.2% in June quarter | Business | The Guardian
Newcastle is the seventh council in Australia to announce it will shun fossil fuels, reports the Sydney Morning Herald
Source: World’s biggest coal port joins fossil fuel divestment push | Environment | The Guardian
Franklin County sheriff says gunman who killed reporter Alison Parker and photographer Adam Ward has died
Source: Suspect in Virginia Slaying Kills Himself | Al Jazeera America
Andrew Bolt will ignore this report and wont take back his suggestion it was a hate -race crime against whites. He’ll play it like Fox News
The Gaza Strip could become uninhabitable for residents within just five years, the United Nations development agency says.
Fifty-five million helpless Australian dollars will be given a new home in Cambodia, after a diplomatic arrangement was struck between the two countries.
Immigration Minister Peter Dutton said there was no place for the money in Australia and that the agreement was a chance for the currency to start afresh.
“We’ll also be providing additional funds and support to ensure the money settles into the country seamlessly,” he said.
A spokesperson for the Cambodian Government – known to be one of the most corrupt in the world – said the money would be warmly welcomed in the country.
The notes will be transferred to a secure bank account in Phnom Penh this week.
Scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration released a report Thursday showing that July was Earth’s hottest month on record. Nine of the 10 hottest months since record keeping began in 1880 have occurred since 2005. Climatologists also expect 2015 to be the hottest year on record. This news comes as scientists from Columbia University’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory released a report that shows that global warming has worsened the California drought, now entering its fourth year. This new study is the first to estimate the extent to which rising temperatures are affecting the loss of moisture from plants and soil, and suggests that within a few decades continually increasing temperatures and resulting moisture losses will push California into a permanent drought by 2060. We discuss the report and the impact of the findings with the study’s lead author, Park Williams, a bioclimatologist at Columbia University’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory.
There is a huge move by Fairfax to try to bring the Government down and he has a fair idea which ministers are leaking.
Australia’s Nauru detention center has been criticized by human rights groups and compared to a ‘concentration camp’
Source: Australian Detention Center Unsafe for Children | Al Jazeera America
Despite all the scientific evidence, many people in Australia and around the world are still sceptical about climate change and its man-made origins. Andrew Denton believes that comedy—with its power to reach our common humanity—might be able to move the debate forward.
Source: Comedy joins the climate change debate – The Science Show
Unless something is done to stem the flow of waste to the oceans, virtually every seabird will be ingesting plastic debris by 2050, say scientists.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (CT&P) – President Barack Obama will officially restore Denali as the name of North America’s tallest mountain today, siding with the state of Alaska in ending a 40-year battle over what to call a peak that has been known as Mount McKinley.
The historic change, coming at the beginning of a three-day presidential trip to Alaska, is a sign of how hard the White House will push during Obama’s remaining 16 months as president to ensure his fight to address climate change is part of his legacy.
Renaming the mountain, which has an elevation of more than 20,000 feet (6,100 meters), makes headlines for his climate quest while also creating goodwill in a state that has not been broadly supportive to the Democratic president.
Obama is slated to tour a receding glacier and meet people in remote Arctic communities whose way of life is affected by rising ocean levels, creating images designed to build support for regulations to curb carbon emissions.
However, a large number of idiots around the country have decried the name change as part of Obama’s continuing attempts to leave the United States a burned-out wreck of its former self when he leaves office.
“This must be part of Jade Helm North,” said C. J. Grisham, idiot, blogger, and president of Open Carry Texas, an organization full of sexual insecure misfits.
“As white people who support the constitution, we can’t just stand by and let that negra Muslim cede our sovereignty to a bunch of Indians. It’s bad enough that he let’s in all those Mexican rapists and murderers. If someone doesn’t stop him, all Americans will have equal rights, and we can’t have that.”
Rush Limbaugh, idiot and formerly important conservative talk show host, told his audience on Friday that Obama was just pandering to the powerful “Injun lobby” in hopes of locking up the 2016 election for Joe Biden.
“It’s a power grab by the minorities that threaten our archaic and bigoted white power structure,” said Limbaugh. “We have to rise up and make sure that nothing ever changes in America. We stole the country fair and square, and we can call it whatever we like.”
![grant[1]](https://cretoniatimesdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/grant1.jpg)
The dangerously unbalanced Reverend Pat Robertson, an idiot who has made millions preaching the gospel of the socialist crusader Jesus of Nazareth, told viewers of the 700 Club that Tropical Storm Erika was a warning to all Christians in America that if Obama renames Mt. McKinley it will precipitate the End Times.“If we really want to insure the safety of the United States we should give Alaska to Israel, like the prophecy states in the Bible,” said Robertson, as his enormous head lolled uncontrollably from side to side. Robertson then asked his viewers to pray with him and make a donation to his “Feedsack Fund” for the care and maintenance of all his expensive race horses.
Many other idiots across the U.S. object to the renaming as well, but none more than in the State of Ohio, where a misguided loyalty to McKinley and its seven other presidents almost reaches the level of religious fervor.
“Our presidents were the best,” said Verne McButt, a short order cook and graduate of Ohio State’s School of Acorn Management. “Virginia ain’t got shit on us.”
Although protests by misguided idiots, bigoted assholes, and miscreant climate change deniers are sure to continue, they will more than likely have little effect on Obama, who arrived at the “fuck it” stage of his presidency months ago.
People should try to upload pictures of three balanced meals a day – one in the morning, one in the middle of the day, and one in the evening – according to new health advice.
“Skipping a meal – particularly breakfast – can really mess with your engagement levels for the rest of the day,” researcher Jane Regis said. “On the other hand, overfilling your news feed in a short period of time isn’t healthy either. It makes it harder for your contacts to fully process what you’ve eaten”.
She said people should try to cut out packaging or signs of processing from their photographs. “When you give the impression you’ve whipped it up from scratch yourself, you’ll feel more energetic and a lot happier with yourself”.
A British woman who can’t recall any of the conversations she has had over the past decade will head up the UK arm of one of the world’s largest media organisations.
A spokesperson for the company said Ms Brookes, 47, was the obvious choice for the position. “Apart from the fact that she has absolutely no recollection of what happened at the previous companies she ran, she is the perfect choice for this role,” the spokesperson said.
“She has a knack for a good story, she’s great with people. Sure she couldn’t remember whether the Prime Minister of Great Britain attended her 40th birthday party. But then, who does remember these sorts of finer details?”
The spokesperson said Ms Brookes would run a tight ship as CEO of UK operations. “Although naturally we don’t expect her to have any idea about what’s actually going on at the company”.
Business leaders can now gain private access to Joe Hockey for less than a tenner.
“I’ll even pay for the coffees,” Mr Hockey said this morning, adding that his diary was pretty open. He said the offer was not just for business leaders. “This is open to anyone at all”.
The new pricing structure comes a year after a tete-a-tete with the Treasurer was estimated at closer to $20,000. Mr Hockey’s office said it was normal to raise and lower the cost of fundraising events according to demand.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott said Mr Hockey’s fundraising activities had his full support.
The Treasurer could raise upwards of $100 before the end of the year.
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