Tag: Truth in Humour
The Netanyahu Israeli Government has warned that thousands, potentially even millions of minors are still at large in Gaza, despite sustained bombing over the past few weeks.
Source: Thousands of Children Still Alive in Gaza, Netanyahu Warns — The Shovel
Former Prime Minister John Howard says he will combine the 20th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq with Easter celebrations this year, with plans to run a special Easter egg hunt that contains imaginary eggs.
Just a few short years ago, Attorney-General George Brandis assured us that people had a right to be bigots.
Source: So Now It’s Wrong To Be Racist, Eh? – » The Australian Independent Media Network
The PM denied he didn’t know the price of basic food items. “That’s simply not true. I know, for example, that a barramundi from Humpty Doo in the NT costs around $18,000 a kilo, when you factor in refrigeration and express flight costs”.
Why on earth did Dan Andrews grant him a visa? Whoops, state governments don’t grant visas. We granted him a visa based on Dan Andrews say so. The medical review was an independent process. Oh look, a high profile resignation, let’s talk about that instead!!
At a rally in Iowa on Saturday, Trump proclaimed that he was trying to “keep America great,” but that America isn’t great right now. “Well, he really is kind of babbling and incoherent, but that’s what people show up for,” he explained. “So, when he says make America great again, again, you have to ask, well, if he did it the first time, it really wasn’t a very good job. Eight months later, it needs to be redone. It didn’t quite stick, this greatness that he gave us.” “It was over nine months. The shelf life on the greatness wasn’t very long, I guess,” said Acosta.
Quotes from the movie, Forrest Morrison: “Life is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re getting unless you look at the bottom of the box and then all the chocolates fall out.” – Scotty
”Listen, you promise me something, OK? Just if you’re ever in trouble, don’t be brave. You just run, OK? Just run away.” – Jenny
“I may not be a smart man, Jenny, but I know what polls are.” Scotty
”Run, Scotty, run!” Rupert Murdoch
”Stupid is as, stupid does.” Barnaby Joyce.
Ok, here’s a brief timeline of events in the vaccine rollout. August 2020: Scott Morrison announces that Australia has secured 25 million doses of the Oxford Astra-Zeneca vaccines and that it would mean “early access” for all Australians. The vaccines would be “as mandatory as you could possibly make it.”
Interviewer: Tonight, we have Mr Judas Iscariot who is speaking out in the hope that it will help others in a similar situation. Good evening, Mr Iscariot. Judas: Judas, please. Mr Iscariot is so formal. Interviewer: Why have you waited so long before speaking out? Judas: Well, as you know, I was kicked out of the Disciples and after that, I pretty much hit rock bottom. I had no friends and no place to stay. I was in a really dark place for a while but then I thought that I owed it to people to let them know the truth. Interviewer: Which is? Judas: Basically it was all Jesus’ fault. I mean, he knew what I was going to do and he pretty much gave me his blessing. He said that I should do what I had to quickly… And I did. These days there’s a lot of confusion about consent, but I think it’s pretty clear that he wasn’t objecting.
» article continues…
A Queensland politician who once fucked up the basic task of counting beyond forty, says members of parliament should be chosen on the basis of merit, not gender.
Anyway, the joke went like this: “One in three road accidents is caused by someone with alcohol in their system… This means that two-thirds of the accidents are caused by SOBER PEOPLE! Why don’t they get off the road and give the poor drunks a go?”
Desk Jobs And Numbers Aren’t Always Boring! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Ok, I think I got most of it. I’m writing it from memory so I may not have it one hundred percent accurate but like I said, I am auditioning for Peter Van Onselen’s role writing for “The Australian” so accuracy isn’t really needed… Whoops, is that defamatory? Or do you have to actually diminish someone’s reputation which PvO has already done that himself?
Scotty And Those Lucky Women… – » The Australian Independent Media Network
She said other countries paled by comparison. “In other countries they only get to spend five or ten minutes voting – they’re not engaged in the process at all”.
Man Lines Up For 11 Hours For Chance To Vote In Greatest Democracy On Earth | The Shovel
It should be obvious that it’s only thanks to me that we’re in this position and that she should show a little gratitude to me and ScoMo, but no, it’s all, blame, blame, blame. Why she even suggested that the budget was terrible for women over thirty five because they’d actually find it harder to get work after the youth subsidies. She completely overlooks that the infrastructure spending will mean that they have nicer roads to travel on while they look for work and all the promised mental health support if they can’t cope with not getting it. That’s the trouble with the left. They’re just never grateful.
It’s Clear My Wife Doesn’t Understand How Good Scott Morrison Is! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
Donald Trump has been taken to hospital following a series of tests that confirmed he is an arsehole.
Trump Hospitalised After Testing Positive For Racism, Sexism, Bullying And Pathological Lying | The Shovel
Now, I know some of you will be pointing out that Morrison and his band of merry men aren’t one of those who’ve agreed to a pay freeze/reduction, but remember they’re all struggling on upwards of $200,000 a year and Josh hasn’t even announced the tax cut for people like that yet… Mm, if not receiving promised increases are cuts, should reducing the tax you pay in the future be considered a tax cut?
Scott Morrison Giving People The Ships! – » The Australian Independent Media Network
While Ms Herriford’s lemonade stand did make a profit last year, she wanted to be clear that she does have a loan owing to her mother worth $14 – around $439,999,986 less than the loans owed by the Trump Organisation.
Lemonade Stand Paid More Tax, Made More Profit, Than All Of Donald Trump’s Businesses Combined | The Shovel
I just want to sit in a cafe drinking an entire coffee in the actual cafe I bought the coffee in
Welcome back to the world Melbourne (almost sort of hang in there!) | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian
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