Category: Humour

Sydneysiders Rush To Smoking Lounges To Get Relief From Sydney’s Air – The Shovel

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via Sydneysiders Rush To Smoking Lounges To Get Relief From Sydney’s Air – The Shovel

BREAKING: Russia Cleared To Compete In 2020 US Elections – The Shovel

 

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via BREAKING: Russia Cleared To Compete In 2020 US Elections – The Shovel

Albo Returns To Traditional Labor Values, Promising To Distribute Climate Change More Equally Across Entire Nation – The Shovel

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via Albo Returns To Traditional Labor Values, Promising To Distribute Climate Change More Equally Across Entire Nation – The Shovel

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What fate awaits PM Morrison? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

WTF? Yep, I mean it. Morrison is that bad. Dutton will ensure a massacre of Tories come the next election. Morrison will be suitably discarded and humiliated – it will be a huge blow to his unshakable belief that his reign was god ordained. He can slink away crestfallen and fall off the edge of his flat earth leaving a skidmark and a legacy of worst PM ever.

Merry Christmas!

via What fate awaits PM Morrison? – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Australian Movies Must Now Include At Least One Road In A Lead Role, After Arts Department Dissolved Into Department For Infrastructure & Transport – The Shovel

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via Australian Movies Must Now Include At Least One Road In A Lead Role, After Arts Department Dissolved Into Department For Infrastructure & Transport – The Shovel

Rural MP George Christensen Says He Went To A Manila Strip Club 28 Times To Help Break The Drought – The Shovel

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via Rural MP George Christensen Says He Went To A Manila Strip Club 28 Times To Help Break The Drought – The Shovel

Racist Young Liberals To Be Disciplined With Two Terms In Senate – The Shovel

 

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via Racist Young Liberals To Be Disciplined With Two Terms In Senate – The Shovel

Westpac Asks If It’s Ok To Pay Fine With Briefcase Of Unmarked Bills – The Shovel

 

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via Westpac Asks If It’s Ok To Pay Fine With Briefcase Of Unmarked Bills – The Shovel

Nation Rushes To Get Counselling After Imagining George Christensen In A Strip Club  – The Shovel

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via Nation Rushes To Get Counselling After Imagining George Christensen In A Strip Club – The Shovel

Trump Pardons Turkey, And Other Authoritarian Nations, At Annual Thanksgiving Ceremony – The Shovel

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via Trump Pardons Turkey, And Other Authoritarian Nations, At Annual Thanksgiving Ceremony – The Shovel

Are Australian banks and businesses free to do whatever they want? It certainly feels like it | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

 

Screenshot_2019-11-24 Are Australian banks and businesses free to do whatever they want It certainly feels like it First Do[...].pngvia Are Australian banks and businesses free to do whatever they want? It certainly feels like it | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

There Are Two Separate Impeachment Hearings Happening Right Now — And Republicans Are Winning Theirs

via There Are Two Separate Impeachment Hearings Happening Right Now — And Republicans Are Winning Theirs

Tissue In Your Washing This Morning Due To Same Sex Marriage, Israel Folau Claims – The Shovel

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via Tissue In Your Washing This Morning Due To Same Sex Marriage, Israel Folau Claims – The Shovel

Local Raving Inner-City Lunatic Asks An Invisible Sky Man To Stop The Bush Fires — The Betoota Advocate

Thanking the Sky-Man for us  becoming more Californian (ODT)

via Local Raving Inner-City Lunatic Asks An Invisible Sky Man To Stop The Bush Fires — The Betoota Advocate

Leonardo DiCaprio Steps Out With New Girlfriend Who Is Same Age As Him In 1997 – The Shovel

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via Leonardo DiCaprio Steps Out With New Girlfriend Who Is Same Age As Him In 1997 – The Shovel

Woolworths Blames ‘Complicated’ IR Laws For Accidentally Paying All Of Their Senior Executives Correctly – The Shovel

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via Woolworths Blames ‘Complicated’ IR Laws For Accidentally Paying All Of Their Senior Executives Correctly – The Shovel

Labor: “Our Campaign Had Too Many Messages”. Shorten: “I Reject That For The Following 17 Reasons” – The Shovel

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via Labor: “Our Campaign Had Too Many Messages”. Shorten: “I Reject That For The Following 17 Reasons” – The Shovel

And It Really Does Send You Blind Or My Conversion On The Road To Damascus… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

 

Instead of using reason and evidence, perhaps we should start saying things that will split the Coalition. Here’s a list of ten possible ways to wedge the Liberal Party which you could use for Twitter or a letter to the Editor:

via And It Really Does Send You Blind Or My Conversion On The Road To Damascus… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News – The Shovel

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via Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News – The Shovel

Journalists Need To Remember That Nobody Is Above The Law! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

via Journalists Need To Remember That Nobody Is Above The Law! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

The Australian Blames Malfunctioning Printer For Accidentally Blanking Out The Words ‘ABC’, ‘Safe Schools’ and ‘Gender Wars’ On Front Page – The Shovel

Screenshot_2019-10-25 Entertainment – The Shovel.pngvia The Australian Blames Malfunctioning Printer For Accidentally Blanking Out The Words ‘ABC’, ‘Safe Schools’ and ‘Gender Wars’ On Front Page – The Shovel

Sometimes Even Censorship Doesn’t Help… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

via Sometimes Even Censorship Doesn’t Help… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Trump Steaks Wins $50 Billion Contract To Supply US Airforce With Warplanes – The Shovel

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Trump Steaks Wins $50 Billion Contract To Supply US Airforce With Warplanes – The Shovel

The most ruthlessly honest president of modern times: a thousand days of Trump

President Donald Trump on Wednesday, his 1000th day in office.

Ch9 has taken over The AGE and we get Goebellian banners like this thrust in our faces. !4,000 fact checked lies since Trump took offce and I suuggest that’s being kind and our Age declares an American cross between Hitler and Mussolini as being “Brutally Honest”. Ch9 is set on outdoing Murdoch Media it seems. Tomorrow we’ll see editorials the racining is suffering badly for the lack of abbottoirs and Morrisson really is a working classman. Australia we’d all be wastage if it weren’t foe the ABC. Walpole’s irony escapes us all. (ODT)

Taking all this into account – most especially, what this pattern means in terms of Trump governing as he promised to do when he campaigned in 2016 – Trump has been the most ruthlessly honest president in modern times.

Which is why his base loves him.

via The most ruthlessly honest president of modern times: a thousand days of Trump

BREAKING: Illuminati disendorse Donald Trump for 2020 U.S. presidential race

Many speculate the Illuminati, in concert with several other shadowy groups, were critical in delivering the U.S. presidency to the former reality TV star last year.

This unexpected move by the powerful cult is seen by most commentators as a severe blow to Trump’s chances of re-election in the presidential race next year.

via BREAKING: Illuminati disendorse Donald Trump for 2020 U.S. presidential race

Trump’s way with words

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(“The United States and Italy are bound together by a shared cultural and political heritage dating back thousands of years to Ancient Rome.”)

The face of the interpreter of the white house that must translate to mattarella the words of trump while claiming that the United States and Italy share a cultural legacy that dates back to thousands of years ago, to say, since ancient Rome.

(“The United States and Italy are bound together by a shared cultural and political heritage dating back thousands of years to Ancient Rome.”)

Trump Accuses Democrat Debate Of Blatant Bias For Not Including A Single Republican – The Shovel

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via Trump Accuses Democrat Debate Of Blatant Bias For Not Including A Single Republican – The Shovel

“I Shout, But Not At The Bar” – The Diary Of ScoMo… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

via “I Shout, But Not At The Bar” – The Diary Of ScoMo… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Ita, Tim Wilson, Peter Dutton And The Water Boy… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Anyway, I couldn’t help but feel that there was a little bit of inconsistency being shown here. I don’t just mean because Dutton is suggesting that we should be arresting our own protestors, while Wilson is disrupting traffic in another country. I’m talking about our position on China.

via Ita, Tim Wilson, Peter Dutton And The Water Boy… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Trump Family Comes Together To Call Out Joe Biden’s Nepotism – The Shovel

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via Trump Family Comes Together To Call Out Joe Biden’s Nepotism – The Shovel

Cartoonist David Rowe on Donald Trump, Australian politics and why ‘it’s almost too easy’ – Politics – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

David Rowe cartoon on Donald Trump.

via Cartoonist David Rowe on Donald Trump, Australian politics and why ‘it’s almost too easy’ – Politics – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

The Streisand Effect – Clive Palmer forgot about that

The Streisand Effect: lawyers’ threats backfire amid the rising trade in hurt feelings

Clive Palmer is suing YouTube sensation Jordan Shanks for defamation. Instead of capitulating however, Shanks doubled down and tore strips off Palmer in the funniest response to a legal threat yet. If you have been legally threatened in similar ways – we want to hear about it – click here to let us know – the Streisand effect may work in your favour.

The Streisand Effect – Clive Palmer forgot about that

Downer, The Spy Who Gave In What He Was Told… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

It seems just a few days ago that the Liberals were telling us how good they’ve been at creating jobs. I suppose if you use the word “creating” in the sense of a making up a thing that’s not really there, then one would have to agree.

Then again, Scottie is very helpful these days. When it was discovered that one of the councils being given drought relief was actually experiencing a bumper season, our PM told us that he made no apology for being generous… which would be fine, were it not for the fact that the councils to which he was so generous didn’t seem to be in any Labor electorates. I’m mildly surprised that the metropolitan electorate of Chisholm wasn’t given drought relief, not because it’s a marginal electorate, but because city people have to pay higher food prices thanks to the drought…

And then there’s the NDIS which is so generous that it had more money than people needed. How else do you explain the $4.5 billion in unspent funds this financial year? Incompetence in its administration? Ridiculous. The Coalition is in charge! An obsession with returning the Budget to surplus no matter who suffers? You cynic! As if the government would do such a thing.

via Downer, The Spy Who Gave In What He Was Told… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Shut Up, Greta, We Want To Hear From The Experts! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Whatever, the CO2 Coalition have a nifty website and several of them have degrees in Physics, so that makes them an expert in climate science. Similarly, my degree makes me and expert in brain surgery, so if you need a tumour removed…

via Shut Up, Greta, We Want To Hear From The Experts! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

The FauxMo Road Show – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Humour Grumpy Geezer.

via The FauxMo Road Show – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Donald Trump Has Released The Full Unedited Transcript Of His Call With The Ukraine President And It’s Quite Revealing – The Shovel

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via Donald Trump Has Released The Full Unedited Transcript Of His Call With The Ukraine President And It’s Quite Revealing – The Shovel

The Best Form Of Charity Is To Be A Billionaire… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

When the Liberals suggest that the best form of welfare is a job, they are using the word “welfare” in a way that suggests that the health and happiness of someone unemployed would be better if they were to have a job, rather than “welfare” meaning financial support given to someone in need. While this is obvious enough, it’s only when we stop and use the word “welfare” in the question and replace the ambiguous word with something else that we get the full subtext.

“Will you be increasing welfare payments to the unemployed?”

“We believe that the best way of improving their situation would be to get them a job.”

“So how will you be getting them a job?”

“By telling them that if they have a go, they’ll get a go.”

“But what about the ones who still don’t get a job? Will you increase welfare payments to them?”

“No, because only a job will help them. Giving people financial support when they’re out of work is no substitute for that.”

“But what if they don’t still don’t get a job?”

“Look, unemployment support is only meant to be a temporary thing, so if people don’t get a job, it’s their problem.”

via The Best Form Of Charity Is To Be A Billionaire… – » The Australian Independent Media Network

The NDIS has ‘saved’ the budget: how good is trampling the poor and powerless? | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Screenshot_2019-09-25 The NDIS has 'saved' the budget how good is trampling the poor and powerless First Dog on the Moon.pngvia The NDIS has ‘saved’ the budget: how good is trampling the poor and powerless? | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian

Trump Cancels Meeting With Australian PM Over Refusal To Sell New Zealand To US – The Shovel

Screenshot_2019-09-23 The Shovel - Australia's satire news website.png Trump Cancels Meeting With Australian PM Over Refusal To Sell New Zealand To US – The Shovel

Morrison’s Spiritual Advisor Rejected Entry For American State Visit – The Shovel

Screenshot_2019-09-23 The Nation – The Shovel(1).pngvia Morrison’s Spiritual Advisor Rejected Entry For American State Visit – The Shovel

How Good Is Communism? OR ScoMo The Trotskyist – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Mm, and then there’s Gladys Liu. While she may not be a card carrying member of the Chinese Communist Party, she’s certainly belonged to organisations which are meant to advance China’s interests in other countries. When Scottie hears this, does he announce that he’ll ask the security forces to check it out? No, he calls her a great Australian and accuses people of racism for even suggesting that there are questions to answer.

Good on him, says the Chinese newspaper. (This is real, I’m not making it up).

Now imagine if Jeremy Corbyn or Bill Shorten had introduced a card to control people’s spending, presided over raids on journalists and then was praised by the Communists for standing up for a possible Chinese propaganda stooge. Yeah, I can see the Murdoch press calling for their extradition to Guatanamo Bay as a threat to the nation.
–– ADVERTISEMENT ––

But Scott, it seems, is ok right up until he says, How Good is the Socialist state?

via How Good Is Communism? OR ScoMo The Trotskyist – » The Australian Independent Media Network

The three modern stooges: Boris, ScoMo and Trump

via The three modern stooges: Boris, ScoMo and Trump

What George Carlin Taught Us About Media Propaganda by Omission: On Bernie Sanders, Medicare for All, and the Green New Deal | The Smirking Chimp

https://youtu.be/m2OOms2Ti_4

What George Carlin Taught Us About Media Propaganda by Omission: On Bernie Sanders, Medicare for All, and the Green New Deal | The Smirking Chimp

The Wonderfully Compliant Druggie Dole Bludger! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Channel 9, when not hosting Liberal fundraisers, are one of the nation’s top investigative units. Take “A Current Affair”. More than twenty years after they found the Paxton family and managed to portray them to the nation as work-shy bludgers, they’ve found another candidate for the public pillory.

The promo for tomorrow’s episode tells us: “HE’S UNEMPLOYED, 30, ON WELFARE AND HE SPENDS IT ON DRUGS!”

via The Wonderfully Compliant Druggie Dole Bludger! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Holy shite! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

 

With the rapture pending he does not care a jot for the health of the  planet – why should he, it’s all going to end soon. He’s King Cnut; trying to hold back the progressive tides until Armageddon. Unluckily for him it’s the unfolding climate disasters and a tanking economy that will see  his acolytes start to abandon the pews. Morrison has a messiah complex, but despite his mushroom politics he cannot hide the incompetence and graft, his spin has spun and in the battle of ideas he’s left holding the beers. Without his religion he’s got nothing but a smirk.

It won’t be too long before the dak shatter goes terminal and the hairless Hitler, Spud-Dutton, seizes his chance. Heaven help us!

Holy shite! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

 

Gladys Liu Can’t Recall If She Is The Member For Chisholm – The Shovel

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via Gladys Liu Can’t Recall If She Is The Member For Chisholm – The Shovel

If Only The Unemployed Would Stop Taking Drugs We’d Have Full Employment! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

via If Only The Unemployed Would Stop Taking Drugs We’d Have Full Employment! – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Scott Morrison Calls For Newstart Recipients To Provide Vial Of Blood, To Prove How Much They’re Willing To Bleed For This Country – The Shovel

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via Scott Morrison Calls For Newstart Recipients To Provide Vial Of Blood, To Prove How Much They’re Willing To Bleed For This Country – The Shovel

The Economy Has Gone Bad But What Can A Treasurer Do? >sigh< – » The Australian Independent Media Network

You gotta laugh at not with the man (ODT)

Liberal Treasurer has almost no control over things unless their good things and then it’s all down to the superior ability to control the Beast, household spending, the weather of whatever it’s being compared to in the latest attempt to make it clear that even though the debt has doubled and growth has stalled and we’re fiddling with how we judge success on the unemployment front, the Coalition Treasurer still had everything under control and the fundamentals are just fine.

What are the fundamentals?

They’re anything we can point to and say, “See that’s not so bad, is it?”

via The Economy Has Gone Bad But What Can A Treasurer Do? >sigh< – » The Australian Independent Media Network

Trump Says US Economy Never Stronger: ‘People Who Had One Job Now Have Two’ – The Shovel

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via Trump Says US Economy Never Stronger: ‘People Who Had One Job Now Have Two’ – The Shovel