BRUSSELS – (CT&P) – Belgian security forces have been unable to locate Belgium’s ass despite days of searches and dozens of raids on likely targets throughout the country, according to Prime Minister Charles Michel.

“We know our ass is around here somewhere, but we just can’t find it,” said Michel at a press conference this morning.

“I want to assure the Belgian people and citizens of the world that this does not mean that Belgian security is lax or that our intelligence services are in any way incompetent. It’s just that we can’t seem to find anything that might lead us to the current location of our own ass.”

Despite offers from French and U.S. intelligence services to help Belgium find its ass, Prime Minister Michel insists that Belgium can do it on its own.

“We don’t need anyone poking around Belgium looking for our ass. We’re perfectly capable of finding it on our own,” said the exasperated PM.