If the unemployed insist on choosing leisure over work, that is their affair, but the Liberals don’t believe they should be rewarded for such a choice. I mean, if they don’t want to go to the country to pick fruit, how hard is it to get a squeegee and a bucket of water and clean windscreens at a set of traffic lights? The Liberals also have enlightened policies on border protection and national security, with minister Peter Dutton being the top cop on the beat. We sleep safe in our beds because of his eternal vigilance — not that he gets many thanks. And we don’t need to worry about conditions on Nauru because Tony Abbott reckons it’s a very pleasant island with top healthcare. Rumour has it that he might be planning a long holiday there if he loses his seat of Warringah at the next election.