Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has declared that Border Force, of which he is in charge of is responsible for dealing with boats, not ships. Particularly not cruise ships ”A lot of people most notably the Twitterati have been attacking me over the cruise ship that docked in Sydney recently,” said Minister Dutton. ”Now I take exception to this and I state unequivocally that my department does not deal with ships, we handle boats.” ”I now call on everybody who has dared to question both myself and my department to apologise, otherwise I may be forced to take matters further.” When asked what the difference is between a boat and a ship, the Minister replied: ”Well, a boat is a lot smaller than a ship and boats tend to be occupied with people that you can easily lock up.” ”Whereas ships tend to be populated with more affluent members of society, maybe even a Member of parliaments in-laws for example.” ”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a very stressful couple of weeks, I’m off to relax by strangling a puppy or two.”

Dutton Declares That Border Force Stops Boats Not Ships – The (un)Australian