Month: July 2015

Family Of Walter Palmer Joins Chorus Of Voices Calling For His Demise

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BLOOMINGTON, MINNESOTA – (CT&P) – At a hastily called press conference this morning Helga Palmer, wife of subhuman lion murderer Walter Palmer, called for her husband to be located and arrested as soon as possible.

Mrs Palmer appeared on the steps of Dr. Palmer’s once-thriving dental practice with her two daughters, Warthog and Wildebeest, Palmer’s mother Enid, and his former receptionist Chastity Candy.

Mrs. Palmer called the news conference in order to show solidarity with the millions of people disgusted and outraged by Mr. Palmer’s bloodthirsty killing spree.

“I just want to say that I’m sorry for Walter’s actions,” said a tearful Helga. “Walter is a very sick man, but that in no way justifies what he has done. I think we all can agree that Walter belongs in either in a mental hospital or thousands of feet below the surface of the earth in some Zimbabwean mine doing forced labor for the rest of his life.”

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When asked why she married Palmer in the first place, Helga responded: “I guess I was entranced by the prospect of a glamorous life as the wife of a big-game hunting dentist. It certainly wasn’t for the sex; Walter has a pencil dick, and it rarely functions properly anyway.”

Enid Palmer, Walter’s mom, agreed:

“I knew when Walter was born that he was going to be inferior in that department. If I had been thinking clearly at the time I would have left his ass outside the house for the coyotes to devour. What a loser!”

Chastity Candy, Palmer’s former receptionist and part-time stripper at the Gopher Hole Bar and Grill in Chippewa Falls, told reporters that she also wanted Palmer behind bars.

“The son of a bitch promised me a new set of implants and free periodontal work for life. I had to sue him just to get a measly hundred grand, and most of that went to the lawyer. I’ll never trust a dentist again!”

When a reporter asked Palmer’s kids what they wanted to happen to their dad they got more negative responses.

“What the hell do you think I want to happen to the bastard?” said fourteen year old Wildebeest. “The asshole named me ‘Wildebeest’ for Christ’s sake!”

Perhaps 3-year-old Warthog summed up everyone’s feelings best when she said, “I hate my Daddy!”

Mrs. Palmer closed the press conference by making a plea for people to visit her new website, WalterPalmerSucks.com, and making a contribution to her kids’ college fund.

Andrew Bolt Quoted Martin Luther King…a Joke from a denialist.””Those who passively accept evil are as much involved in it as those who help to perpetrate it. Those who accept evil without protesting against it are really cooperating with it.”

“Never be afraid to raise you voice for honesty and Truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world would do this, it would change the Earth.”
 
William Faulkner

 

American Dental Association Urges Walter Palmer To Commit Suicide

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NEW YORK – (CT&P) – During an appearance on Fox and Friends this morning, American Dental Association president Maxine Feinberg made an impassioned public plea to Dr. Walter Palmer, the scum-sucking Minnesota dentist who murdered Cecil the Lion, to kill himself “by any means available” to him.

“We polled our membership, and four out of five dentists surveyed recommended suicide,” said Feinberg. “The remaining 20% thought that Dr. Palmer should be extradited to Zimbabwe to stand trial and face a life sentence in an African butt-rape prison.”

Palmer, whose whereabouts are unknown, has been excoriated on the internet and in the press over the last two days for tying a dead animal to the front of a vehicle and luring Cecil out of a protected area so he could be shot with a bow and arrow and die a slow agonizing death lasting over 40 hours.

Dr. Palmer’s dental practice in Bloomington, Minnesota has been shut down and his home is unoccupied. He has received death threats on Facebook and Twitter and been the subject of some remarkable reviews on Yelp.

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ADA president Feinberg told Steve Doocy that Palmer was giving dentists around the country an even worse name than they already had.

“It’s bad enough that everyone hates us to begin with,” said Feinberg. “Now kids are asking their dentists if they plan on murdering Bambi or the Easter Bunny. We’re about as popular as a dog catching member of Congress right now.”

Feinberg said that although the vast majority of dentists wanted Palmer dead, they disagreed on what method he should use to off himself.

“Dr. Max Nebelwerfer from Bleeding Gums, Kansas told us that Palmer should tie himself to his dental chair and drink a bottle of liquid Drano,” said Feinberg. “Dr. Emily Fang from Melanoma Beach, Florida told us that she thought Palmer should sever several minor arteries with a scalpel and go swimming off the beaches of North Carolina. There’s no end to the ideas pouring into our website. Despite having a reputation for being anal, we dentists can be very creative when we want to be.

“Although, there’s a lot of disagreement about how he should do it, one thing’s for sure, everyone wants the bastard dead,” said Feinberg in closing.

This is not the first time Palmer has been in trouble. He was convicted of lying to federal agents regarding an illegal bear hunt in 2006, and settled a sexual harassment suit involving his receptionist in 2009.

Fox and Friends replicant Brian Kilmeade asked regular contributor Dr. Keith Ablow to offer some insight on Palmer’s murderous behavior and tendency to prey on his female staff.

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“Dr. Palmer exhibits all the symptoms of Gherkinson’s Disease, a syndrome normally associated with a tiny schlong and shrunken, misshapen testicles,” said Ablow.

“Many assholes who hunt just for the sick pleasure of seeing animals die have a desperate need to prove to the world that they are real men despite having inferior sexual equipment. I think we can safely say Palmer has a short shaft, or possibly one that takes a dogleg left.”

In fact, one of Palmer’s close friends told Anderson Cooper of CNN that Walter’s high school nickname was ‘Inch Worm,’ so Ablow’s theory seems to make sense.

Palmer released a statement this afternoon through the public relations firm he hired to extricate himself from this mess.

In it he said that he was sorry for killing Cecil, sorry for killing a bear 40 fucking miles away from where he was supposed to be hunting, sorry for sexually abusing his receptionist while she was under the influence of Xanax and nitrous oxide, and sorry that his kids were conceived in vitro because his micro dick proved incapable of performing in the usual fashion.

He said that at this time he had no intention of killing himself and looks forward to a future as a short order cook at a Waffle House in Tanzania.

From those who think Adam Goodes was asking for it. They are the same who say a woman raped was asking for it. Reversing the notion of victim.

Five People Who Know The Real Victims Of The Goodes Booing Saga Are White Australians

Surely Adam Goodes isn’t booed because he’s Indigenous?

Jesse Owens 1936 Olympic gold medal that enraged Hitler …

The hero who couldn’t find work when he came home.

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Track star Jesse Owens defiantly bucks Hitler

by Mike Morrison
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Jesse Owens at the Berlin Olympics in 1936. (Source:AP)

It was the summer of 1936 and Nazism was running rampant throughout pre-World War II Eastern Europe. The Olympics were coming to Berlin and Adolf Hitler viewed it as a golden opportunity to showcase his country and prove to the rest of the world that his Aryan race was superior. Not so fast, Adolf.

Twenty-two-year-old American Jesse Owens didn’t care much for Hitler’s politics—or any politics for that matter. He just wanted to show off his immense skills and represent his country to the best of his abilities. Just over a year earlier, on May 25, 1935, Owens recorded one of the more mind-boggling performances in track and field history. He broke three world records and tied another at the Big Ten Track and Field Championships in Michigan—in just 45 minutes!

Hitler viewed African-Americans as inferior and chastised the United States for stooping to use these “non-humans.” Despite the endless racial epithets and the constant presence of the red and black swastika, Owens made Hitler eat his words with four gold medals.

Owens Hits Gold

The first gold was in the 100 meters, where Owens edged out teammate Ralph Metcalfe in a time of 10.3 seconds.

Gold number two came in the long jump, where he fouled on his first two attempts. One was just a practice run where he continued down the runway into the pit, but German officials didn’t buy it and counted it as a jump. Top German long jumper Luz Long suggested Owens play it safe and jump a few inches before the usual take-off spot. He took his advice and qualified for the finals, where he won the gold with a leap of 26—5½. And Long was there to congratulate him. “It took a lot of courage for him to befriend me in front of Hitler,” Owens would later say. “You can melt down all the medals and cups I have and they wouldn’t be a plating on the 24-karat friendship I felt for Luz Long at that moment.”

The third gold was in the 200-meter dash, where he defeated, among others, Jackie Robinson’s older brother Mack and broke the Olympic record with a time of 20.7 seconds.

Gold number four was a controversial one—not with the Germans, but with his fellow Americans. American Jews Marty Glickman and Sam Stoller were supposed to run for the United States on the 4×100 relay team. At the last minute, they were replaced by Owens and Metcalfe and it was reported that Hitler asked U.S. officials not to embarrass him any further by having two Jews win gold in Berlin. Whether that’s true or not, the Owens-led U.S. team rolled to victory in a world record time of 39.8 seconds and Owens’ magical Olympics came to a close.

Liberal Party Commits To Having 50% Women In Seats Shown On Camera By 2025

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Tony Abbott says his party is serious about the advancement of women, and has set an ambitious target to have half of all seats shown on TV filled by women within five years.

“We are deeply committed to giving the impression that a high proportion of Liberal MPs are women,” Mr Abbott said.

“These are plum seats – not just any old seats. They’re right behind where the men and Julie Bishop stand when they’re giving a speech, so it’s not just a token gesture”.

He said women had an important role to play in the party. “The party’s women are crucial for the Federal Budget, for example. They’re on screen for the entire length of the budget speech, which is beamed to millions of Australians. They feature on the front page of the nation’s newspapers”.

A Liberal Party spokesperson said there was still work to be done to meet the target. “At the moment women make up 20% of Liberal MPs, and around 45% of those on camera, so we’re not quite there yet”.

Trump Asks Carly Fiorina To Be Running Mate

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NEW YORK – (CT&P) – This morning Donald Trump told the couch tumors on Fox and Friends that he has asked Carly Fiorina to be his running mate in the upcoming 2016 presidential election.

Confident of victory over the “bunch of losers” running against him for the Republican nomination, Trump told Brian Kilmeade that he wanted to go ahead and get a veep on board as early as possible so the two of them could get down to some serious Hillary bashing over the next 12 months.

After Steve Doocy explained to Kilmeade what a “veep” was, Kilmeade asked Trump if he wasn’t “jumping the gun” a little.

“Listen Brian, I’m rich, and that’s all anyone needs to know,” said Trump. “If America is to survive the wave of diseased Mexican rapists that our Kenyan Muslim socialist dictator of a president has allowed to enter this country then I’m the only reasonable choice.

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“America still has a chance to be great again, but only if I’m elected. My secret plans to defeat ISIS and Iran are rock solid, and my economic policies are the greatest that mankind has ever devised.”

When Kilmeade asked Trump why he chose Fiorina over all the other raving lunatics in the GOP field, Trump answered, “Well, she’s a woman, which means she’ll be easily intimidated and do exactly as I say, and I admire the way she negotiated a golden parachute for herself as she ran Hewlett-Packard right into the ground.

“Also, she understands the Republican economic philosophy, which dictates that business owners should lay off tens of thousands of workers, cut benefits, and pay subsistence wages while politicians destroy the social safety net and give tax breaks to huge corporations and the wealthiest 1% in this country. That way, economic prosperity will trickle down to the oppressed masses and we’ll create a whole bunch of new low paying dead-end jobs. It’s a time-tested successful formula that’s worked every time it’s been tried, and it has the wonderful side benefit of destroying the middle class.”

The three Fox and Friends abnormal tissue masses congratulated Trump on his logic, and after wiping saliva from their chins, moved on to interview Dr. Ben Carson, another GOP candidate and insane person who believes that the Ark was real and dinosaurs once walked the earth with man.

Greece shows compassion to migrants while Australia stops the boats. Compassion is all Greek. Why Andrew Bolt has contempt for the Hellenic

Pakistani migrants arrive on the beach in Kos, Greece, at dawn after making their way from Turkey

A Syrian woman embraces her daughter on the Kos dockside after being escorted into the harbour by the Greek coastguard.

Greece aids migrants, Australia stops the boats

  Dimitria Groutsis and Diane van den Broek 12:00 AM   Further evidence is emerging to challenge the view of asylum seekers as a drain on society.

Juice Rap News: Global challenge of immigrants feat. Donald Trump and Tony Abbott

Mass exoduses of people – refugees, asylum seekers, and migrant workers – are taking place all over the planet, causing tensions and tempers to rise. But are these really the kinds of immigrants we should be worrying about?

And how do border-crossing corporations and global treaties like TPP, TTIP and TISA fit into the picture? Join Robert Foster as he sets out to shift our perspective and broaden our understanding of this epoch-defining phase of the great human journey.

© RT